It seems my views on masculinity have changed of late. Very recently in fact.
Last week, I was holidaying in Byron Bay and it would seem that there are a lot of tanned, muscular men who don’t own shirts living there.
A couple of months ago, last week even, this would have awakened a deep desire in me that my lack of self-confidence would never have allowed me to explore.
This time though, there was none of that automatic attraction. None of that lustful desire I have always felt.
It took me a few minutes to realise why.
Over Christmas I have been listening to a podcast by a very knowledgeable and down to earth woman by the name of Rebecca Dettman, called Soul Doctor. The specific podcasts were a two-parter on the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine, the second of which talks about the current perception of masculinity as the warrior archetype and how it leads to Manorexia (as she puts it).
It became obvious that there is just as much push from women for men to embody this role of muscular warrior as there is from men for women to be the skinny, beautiful model. This is a sweeping generalisation, but looking at society it’s hard not to make it when that is all we see portrayed on TV, movies and in magazines.
As I looked around the crowd of people enjoying some Saturday afternoon music on the beach, it struck me that many of these men worked hard to become this type of man. Very hard. Did they do it in an attempt to meet society’s expectations? They would probably never admit it, even if they were self-aware enough to see it. Sure, for some it is the expression of their true self, but for many it is a forced lifestyle that can lead to steroids, or worse, in an effort to keep up. They too are under enormous pressure to be a certain way and it was heartbreaking.
It was a major realisation that ‘muscular’ no longer guaranteed ‘masculinity’ for me. It is no longer a healthy archetype to apply to all men, and probably never was.
For me, the question is what does the Divine Masculine look like now, if it ‘looks’ like anything at all?
I think it, like the Divine Feminine, lies in a person’s awareness of who they are as a person, an ability to be truly intimate and vulnerable, to learn and grow from life’s experiences and just BE. Just be themselves. Their true selves. With an understanding that the feminine and masculine reside in us all. It is our job to balance both and see what this means for us.
And it is time society started giving us the space in which to explore our own masculinity and femininity for ourselves. We also need to stop dictating to men and women who they should be and how they should express themselves. Stop telling boys not to cry and girls they aren’t brave enough. Stop telling boys and men they need to be physically strong and girls and women that they need to be petit.
Let each person work it out for themselves and give them the space and opportunity to do so, and when they do, the freedom to express it.
In this, we can finally learn to access and express our own divinity.
Numerology is the study of numbers. Similar to Astrology, Numerology (using our birthdates and given names) gives us a snapshot of who we are, what lessons and challenges we are to face in our lives, as well as what to expect at a given point in time. This predictive aspect is shown through a variety of aspects of Numerology, such as peak and maturity cycles, however, I will focus today on our Personal Year Number.
Our Personal Year Number (PYN) gives us an understanding of what events and circumstances to expect in the year, as well as guidance about how best to deal with them. Is now the best time to change jobs or move house? Why am I losing all of my friends this year? What is driving this need for me to spend more time alone? Understanding our PYN gives us the answers to these questions and more.
How to find your PYN
Finding your PYN is easy. All you need is your birth date and the current year. Break these numbers down to their individual digit equivalents and then add them together until you get a single digit. If this is confusing, don’t worry, I’m about to break it down!!
The first thing to do is to find the World Year Number (WYN) by adding the numbers of the calendar year together. This gives us an idea of what is effecting or influencing the world as a whole. Next year will be a 2 year, because 2018 is broken down to its individual number equivalent and these are added together:
2 + 0 + 1 + 8 = 11.
1 + 1 = 2.
Some people include 11 and 22 as a WYN, but my experience has yet to back this theory up. I guess we will see what happens next year as it unfolds. In the meantime, I will work from the base 2 and take lots of notes!!
Next, take your birth day and month numbers and do the same thing, ensuring you add in the WYN as well. For example, if I was born on the 17th July 1987, I would take the day and month, break them down to their single digit equivalent and add them to the WYN as follows:
1 + 7 + 7 + 2 = 17.
1 + 7 = 8.
This person’s PYN is 8.
Now, before you go any further, add tours up and see what you get!!
A note on cycles
As we know, nothing in the physical is permanent, but exists in cycles of change. Like the moon, the sun, the seasons and the universe itself, there are distinct periods characterised by action or inertia, rest or activity, change and consolidation etc.
Our lives are no different. We will experience periods of intense motivation and drive to succeed, and we will do exactly that. At other times, we will put the same effort in, but achieve no results other than our own frustration. At other times, events and circumstances will be out of our control and we will experience many changes that we have no say over, such as losing jobs, relationships, friendships, loved ones, health etc. This is all a part of life.
Understanding where our current PYN sits in relation to this cycle will give us an idea of what to expect, and more importantly, what to do (or not to do).
As you can see in the above graph, the years are grouped into what can be called the troughs and peaks, signifying periods of up and down or action and inaction, with slow progress and decline in between. Like a wave, the energy will rise until it peaks, then decline until it is at the trough. A more specific explanation is:
Peaks: Periods of intense growth, change and movement. A lot will be happening in these years and the key is to surrender to the change and adapt to the new. Key peak years are 9 & 1, with a mini-peak at 5 and into 6.
Troughs: are a time to rest and rejuvenate after the previous years of growth. We can’t be in action all of the time as we need time to assimilate what we have learned. Don’t expect too much progress during these years, simply enjoy the quiet. Key trough years are 4 & 7.
What do the numbers mean?
Now you know what your PYN is (hopefully!), it is important to understand what vibration this number brings with it. Is it a good time to save? Should I invest in property? Should I travel? The following information will help you to see what energetic influences are surrounding and guiding you, as well as some guidance about how to deal with them. As with all things, you have free will. Just remember that if you are trying to start something new in a 4 year, you might find it a bit difficult!
This a year characterised by new beginnings. A lot of things will have come to an end last year (PYN 9, see below), and this is the year where new, more exciting things will emerge. You might find yourself surrounded by new people, a new job, a new project or even a new understanding of life. Embrace these, let the old friendships and ideologies fall away and allow the changes to occur.
It is also a time where you become more self-confident, independent and settled in your individuality, especially if you take the time to break old habits and heal past patterns and behaviours that no longer serve you. Have the courage to fully step into your individuality, do things your way and let your true self shine.
This is a year for greater cooperation and balance. You have created new relationships in the past year and it is time to cultivate these, ensuring a balance of giving and receiving exists. Just as you cultivate your relationships with others, however, it is important to cultivate a positive, loving relationship with yourself. Be sure to give yourself time to heal the emotional issues of the past and learn to love and accept yourself to achieve this balance. This will lead to enhanced emotional stability and give you the tools to come from a place of loving action rather than passive reaction.
It is also a period of heightened spiritual development, where your intuition will be stronger than before. Be sure to listen when it speaks and act accordingly to avoid upset and disappointment. Adopting a regular meditation practice will give the two fold result of allowing you to tap into your intuition through the quiet, while giving yourself the opportunity to balance your emotions and gain much needed stability.
As we head to the trough, there is still much to learn about yourself and life. These early numbers in the cycle are all about the physical world and your understanding of it, who you are as a person and how you interact with others. This 3 year will give you the opportunity to express the new, authentic self you have discovered during the last few years of development through honest and open communication with others. This can take many forms, including written (journaling, songs, poems or blogs as was the case with me), painting, dancing, clothing, tattoos, verbal communication or any other way you choose to express yourself. Have the courage to be who you are now, allow the old patterns and programs to fully disappear and begin to communicate yourself in honesty and integrity.
It is also a period of heightened mental powers. You will have a thirst for knowledge that will only be quenched by taking up study of some kind or learning through the experience of travel. Find what topic excites and energises you and read or experience away! Choose a travel destination and look forward to the experience and what it can teach you! Just remember to not take on too much at one time as your energy will easily become scattered and you will not reap the full benefits. Choose one path and follow it for as long as it excites you or you are learning something.
You will also need to develop your memory throughout this period in order to fully understand and assimilate what you are learning. Also, having a good memory leads to increased self-confidence and self-esteem, and few of us don’t need more of that! So, keep notes or a journal of what you learn, keep a diary to organise your life and set a reminder to check the diary (I almost needed to do this a few times this year!), whatever it takes. Find your best expression for developing your memory and adopt it.
A final reminder for this year is to take time out for the simple things in life. Remember to have fun, allow time for humour, follow your happiness, surround yourself with bright company and celebration to avoid spiralling emotionally. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously this year. Lighten up and have fun.
This is a year of consolidation and rejuvenation. You have learned a lot in the last few years since the last trough (5 years to be exact!) and it is time to assimilate and consolidate your new understanding of life and yourself. It is a good time for planning for the future, but allow time for rest and relaxation to ensure your energy is fully charged for the changes to come. Avoid disharmony where possible, or at the very least schedule time for relaxation to unwind. Routine is a key aspect for the 4 vibration, so take the time to slow down and build yourself some boundaries to ensure you do not undo all the hard work of the previous years and become emotionally unstable or tense.
It is also a good time to focus on your finances and physical matters as the manifestation power of the 4 is strong. It will be steady progress, so be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time. Hard, persistent, determined work will bring desired results.
Do not expect too much change or growth in this year of consolidation and you will avoid disappointments.
This is the year you needed to conserve your energy for as it is a massive year of change, both expected and unexpected. Fighting it will only make matters worse, so try to go with the flow, adapt to the changes, surrendering to the divine intelligence of the universe and trusting that it will all work out in the end. Allow your adventurous side to develop for only the universe knows where you will end up! As with the 3, avoid taking on too many things at once as the obligations will cause you frustration as you strive for greater freedom.
It will also be a period of heightened psychic and spiritual awareness. Follow your intuition and learn to act on gut instinct when opportunities arise and surrender to the outcome. More importantly, BACK YOURSELF! Trust in your own ability to know what to do when the time comes.
Remember to release control of the physical matters you focused on last year. You have built a solid foundation from which you can now act upon. Take the time to focus on your creativity and build the life you desire.
This is a mini-peak where more focus will be invested in the home and relationships. It is a good time for the single people among us to find love. If you are already in a relationship, you will begin to take on greater responsibility in the home and domestic obligations after last year’s drive for freedom. Just remember to take time out to foster your creativity and reconnect to your authentic self to avoid emotional tension.
You might also find that issues in relationships (including both friendships and romantic) will arise during this year. Now is the perfect time to heal these issues and come to a resolution that best serves everyone. Aim for general harmony in relationships and avoid striving for right or wrong in conflict. Be prepared that this might mean some sacrifice is needed to find the middle ground. It could also lead to an ending of the relationship, but if this is what is best for all parties concerned, allow the change to take place. Either way, a new phase of the relationship will be achieved. Remember to have a high level of personal integrity and honesty throughout this year to ensure harmony in all dealings.
This trough year is another one of consolidation, but unlike the 4, it is focussed on the mental and spiritual aspects of life. It will be a time to stop and reflect on your life so far, the lessons you have learned and how far you’ve come in this life. Take time for quiet introspection and inner development. Be sure to spend as much time alone as you feel necessary to ensure you do not become too highly strung and stressed. Honour your need for solitude. It will be a time where the study of all types will help as you learn through experience, but specifically the study of philosophy will be of great benefit to you.
This year will also afford you the chance to yet again clean out your life of the things that no longer serve you, be it people, habits, behaviours, careers or anything else – if it no longer serves your highest good, adds value to your life or makes you happy, let it go. Be sure to take time out to carefully consider opportunities or large transactions that present during this period, making sure that you can and want to do what is being put forward.
Trying to force any major change this year could lead to loss. Be sure to take the time out to rest and rejuvenate, ready for the next phase of growth and expansion that is to come.
This is yet another year of rapid change where you will come out of the hermit phase of the 7 and begin to reap what you have sown in the last few years. If your attitude, efforts and intentions over the past few years have been positive, then you should expect positive results. If they have been less than favourable, January and February will be your last chance to turn your fortunes around.
It will be a year of increased independence and wisdom in the business arena, where you will be able to manifest abundance in money and property. Be sure to increase your focus on this aspect of your life to ensure you get the most out of this vibration.
This independence and wisdom can manifest in your spiritual life, depending on your level of development, so remember to listen to your intuition and back yourself. Take the time out to recognise how far you have come in this life and how much you have grown. You have increased universal support in the development of your personal power, so use it! Develop your assertiveness in the face of disempowering situations or authority figures and stand in your power.
You will have increased powers of manifestation, so be sure you are putting your efforts, intentions and thoughts only on the positive.
This is the year of endings that comes before the new beginnings of the 1. It will be a time of great upheaval as you experience many changes that are out of your control. Be optimistic and courageous during this period, surrendering to the higher intelligence and trusting that it will all work out in the end. You might experience endings in love, friendships, job, finances, home or health, just remember that something else will come to replace what you have lost. These events will often lead you to resolve long standing conflicts and issues with loved ones or within yourself, so face them head on with honesty and integrity to resolution. It is really clearing out what no longer serves you to make way for things that do. So, buckle up and enjoy the ride!
It is also a time of completion of projects. You set things in motion in either your 1 or 5 years, took time to reflect during your 7, finally saw the fruits of your labours in the 8 year, now it is time to tie up loose ends and prepare for the finale. This finale might simply be entering a new stage in the project, not necessarily an ending, but the transition is an ending in itself as you start to see your plans coming to fruition and things start falling into place.
This year might also see you thinking about life from a humanitarian perspective. You will have a drive to help your community and uplift the lives of others. Find what works for you and follow this drive. Your tolerance and understanding will also be heightened, perfect for dealing with global issues.
One final note about this year – don’t be too hasty spending money. It is not a year for financial gain. As an ending year, trying to start something new could lead to more disaster than you bargained for. Hold of for 12 months if you can. Otherwise, take the time to make sure all things are in order before entering into the deal.
Your number influenced by the WYN
As I said before, knowing the WYN in relation to your PYN will give you a deeper insight into what to expect.
2018 will be an 11/2 vibration. Working from the 2 vibration, this means that your PYN will be influenced by cooperation, intuition and emotions. For example, if you are in a PYN 9, expect your endings to be around emotions or relationships. You might be driven to work with others to promote humanitarian issues.
Personally, I am entering into an PYN 4, so I will expect to experience consolidation in my emotional state (finally achieving the stability I have been lacking of late!! Happy days!!!!), awareness of my intuition and relationships that have lasted through last year.
I won’t go through each number individually, just be aware of the 2 vibration that is underlying your own PYN to see the deeper, more subtle nuances of 2018. Be sure to read the explanation for the 2 above to help you make sense of it.
What to do now
Nothing. Except refer back to this post as many times as you need to remind yourself of what to do when things don’t go as expected. Surrender to what is, let go of the rest and enjoy the ride. Whether you are in a trough year of quiet solitude, or a peak year of change and action, the key to a relaxed and happy life is surrender. Accept what is and go with the flow.
A note on sources
I have read a few books and studied courses on Numerology, plus done readings that have helped to consolidate my understanding of each number vibration. The following are a list of books I have used frequently, especially in creating the information above. I would encourage anyone to find these books if you are interested in learning more about Numerology. I got these from Kindle, but I am sure they are available in hard copy if you prefer.
David A. Phillips, The Complete Book of Numerology.
Michelle Buchanan, The Numerology Guidebook.
Clifford W. Cheasley and Melanie Becker, The Basics of Numerology.
I hope this will help guide you through next year and beyond. If you have any questions, feel free to comment below and I will be more than happy to help! I would love to hear your experiences, especially if these numbers help explain events of this last year!
I don’t know about you, but this last 2 years has been one hell of a roller coaster and my proverbial onion is a lot smaller than it was in 2015. This late in the year seems like a good time to take stock and acknowledge what 2017 did for me.
2016 was the kickstart of what was to be my 16 month long Dark Night of the Soul, where I learned a lot about my own patterns and behaviours. I wasn’t able to do a lot about them at the time, and some are still appearing before me, but I’m making steady progress.
2017 was the year of assimilation, where I was shown the various ways these patterns and programs manifested in my life, aaaaanndd where I largely failed at recognising them in the instance. I would eventually understand what was happening, but I didn’t always get it right in the first phase. I made many mistakes, which would come back and bite me on my metaphysical arse in a big way.
Heading into 2018, and a 4 year of consolidation, I am hoping it will be a little quieter on the personal growth front and I will have time to properly assimilate the lessons I’ve learned.
So, what exactly did I learn in 2017?
1. When people say ‘I’m spiritual’, it often means something totally different to my definition. Someone might (and have!) call themselves Spiritual, while teaching their children that it is ok to belittle and bully another person, making fun of their differences, often from a place of ignorance, lack of education and intolerance. Other people, who don’t even refer to themselves as spiritual, have some of the best morals, beliefs and ideas about the universe and why we are here. It is time I stopped looking at the labels and at the person underneath. Actions really do speak louder than words.
2. Speak up. When someone is disrespecting or mistreating me, I need to speak up and ask them to stop, because I am worthy. Making excuses like ‘it’s just who they are’ or ‘they are young and don’t know better’ or ‘they are going through a rough time’ just don’t cut it anymore. I can honour where they are in life while setting and honouring my own boundaries.
3. Back myself. This is kind of an extension of #2, but if I don’t believe in myself, who else will? If I don’t trust myself, who else will? In fact, not trusting myself causes more emotional harm than good, because I question my own feelings and intuition on a matter and it ends up backfiring as my intuition is proven correct, leaving me with soot on my face.
4. Work within my own limitations. I am an individual person, with my own set of unique personality traits and character flaws – strengths and weaknesses, if you will. I cannot push myself too far out of these and do something just because someone else does or can. I cannot force myself to be a certain way or do a certain thing because someone else does. My limitations are there for a reason, I need to work out if they are my own personality limitations or obstacles to be overcome for personal growth and act accordingly.
5. Learn to say ‘No’. Or at the very least ‘I’ll get back to you’. As a recovering people-pleaser, who has a slight fear of missing out (slight? Ok, might be an understatement…), I will often say yes to something I am not really feeling excited about. I will often allow myself to be manipulated into doing something or changing plans that I have put in place for a good reason, and then end up dealing with a hell of a lot of fallout. I will be the one who changes my plans and makes room for everyone and everything I can to please the most amount of people, but then I am left dealing with the carnage it causes in my own life and all those other people are conspicuously absent. Sure, there are times where I will need to compromise, but I need to stop before I agree to something and ask myself ‘is this best for me? Will changing this plan end up causing more hassle than I am willing to deal with?’ If the answer is no and yes respectively, then I need to learn to say ‘No’.
6. I am highly sensitive and I often walk around in public in a state of openness that is totally unnecessary and detrimental to my energetic health. I don’t need to feel the anger of the 4×4 driver 5 car lengths ahead of me, nor do I need to smile and meet the eye of everyone I see. All this white light, sage and personal bubbles are useless when I still step outside and open my awareness to every little thing that happens in the world. I need to spend more time being present in my own space and less time looking outside of myself and perhaps the empathy protection techniques will be less necessary. Who knows? What I do know is that I don’t need to be ‘on’ all the time. Being present in my own body is what is best for me right now.
It seems I have a lot of assimilation to do, but the effort is worth it in the end!
What has 2017 taught you? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below!
In the short time I have been vegan, I have found many new recipes for amazing foods that I never thought I’d be able to cook, let alone enjoy eating! I have also found that there are a few items that you must have in your kitchen at all times. These may be for nutritional purposes, they make an excellent base for most meals or simply because you love them.
Beans: I usually have a few tins of baked beans, four bean mix and chickpeas in the cupboard. I will often add the chickpeas straight from the can to salads and add a tin of the four beans to savoury nutmeat (see below), salsa or bolognaise. A quick, cheap and easy meal has been baked beans on toast with baby spinach, nutritional yeast and chia seeds. This allows me to be lazy while attempting to get all protein and iron* I need in one meal.
Nutmeat Casserole: I am a huge fan of Vegie Delights Casserole mince. I usually make a savoury nut-mince, just like my Great-Grandmother used to make. Well, almost… Cook some onions, zucchini, mushrooms, peas, corn, beans or any other vegetable, add some veggie stock or vegan gravy to the nutmeat and serve on toast or mashed potato. I have recently started adding Nutritional Yeast to the mix and it has been amazing! I have also use the original nutmeat version to make a stroganoff, but I find it tedious to get out of the can and I am nothing if not a lazy cook! It was worth the hassle in the end though…
Zucchini: I am not 100% sure what the nutritional information is for this most versatile vegetable, but it is green, so it has to be good right? I put it in everything from spaghetti bolognaise to salsa! I just love the taste and texture and it is easy to cook! Baked zucchini is my absolute favourite though… (Apparently Americans call this a courgette, just to confuse the situation even further!)
Spinach: this little baby is amazing and I have added it to everything at least once! A great source of iron, I usually go for the baby spinach variety, but any will suffice. It is a tasty addition to morning fruit smoothies, lunch salad or wrap, and pasta or savoury mince. Again, I put it in everything and see what happens. It is also quite nice in fried rice! Just don’t cook it too long, because I read somewhere that over cooking changes the chemical make up and effects its iron levels (I can’t remember where I read/heard this, but correct me if I’m wrong…)
Tofu: I have been on a nice little love affair with this amazing food! I have used silken tofu to make sour cream for my nachos and salsa. I have scrambled it and eaten it on toast for breakfast. I have even simply fried it and added it to my salad! It is a great source of protein, calcium, iron* and a host of other vitamins and minerals that keep our bodies healthy.
Coconut milk or cream: This is my go to substitute for cream in traditional recipes, so we can still enjoy potato bake, pasta, lasagne and soup!! Also, you don’t get that nasty film of fat that other creams give when cooled. This also helps with the transition, as it allows us to eat what we always have so the change isn’t as drastic.
Mushrooms: As my most favourite food in the whole world, I usually don’t cook a meal if it doesn’t have mushrooms in it. Even then I usually just add them and see what happens! Mushrooms are a good source of protein* and many other vitamins and add a beautiful flavour to any dish. But, I may be biased…
Oats: A wholegrain that is a great source of iron and fibre*. Most Australians will eat these as a hot porridge for breakfast, but I have recently discovered the overnight oats craze, which is much nicer on a hot Australian morning. For overnight oats, add 1:1 ratio of oats and plant-based milk into an airtight jar and place in the fridge overnight (i.e. I cup oats to 1 cup of milk). I also add a tablespoon of peanut butter, a teaspoon of maple syrup, a couple of shakes of cinnamon, 1/2 – 1 teaspoon of cacao powder and a generous pinch of desiccated coconut. In the morning I will add dried blueberries or sultanas (which are also a good source of iron). Just be careful that your plant-based milk doesn’t have high calcium levels, as this can impair the absorption of iron in the body (this information came straight from my Doctor, who I suspect of being plant-based…).
Nutritional yeast: This is a recent addition to my list of must-haves, I often add it to hot dishes just to see what will happen! It is one of the main ingredients in my tofu scramble that gives it a cheesy flavour without all the pesky cruelty to animals! This is a good source of protein and B vitamins, including natural B12 (according to the label)!
Herbs and Spices: Herbs are a great source of antioxidants*, especially parsley. Tumeric* has also been shown to help fight cancer cells and is easy to add to any dish by simply cooking it with the pasta or rice. It will change the colour of the food, but not the taste! Just start playing around with tastes and see what you like.
Mostly, this is a list of the things I like to keep on hand at any given moment. I’m not one for meal planning, as I tend to just eat what I feel like at the time. Often if I’ve pre-cooked something I won’t want it later, not sure why, but this list has helped me to stay on the vegan path and made the transition easier.
Have I missed anything? Feel free to add your must haves in the comments below!!
*Dr Michael Gerger’, How Not to Die. A very basic reference, I know. Definitely not Harvard worthy, but google the book’s title for more information! Also, Dr Greger has a website for further information.
As empaths, it is sometimes – ok, often very difficult to stay in our own energy. We want to help, because we can see and feel people suffering every day. What tends to happen naturally as we interact with others is we create cords to these people or situations. Many of these are harmless. Others, however, become quite harmful if allowed to continue to exist and we either give our energy to the other person, or accept theirs as our own.
What we often forget, myself included, is to maintain self care. It is very important that we clear our energy as frequently as necessary and cut these cords that are affecting us.
I was in a situation very recently where I failed to maintain self care. After several months, I became disorientated, confused, emotional, exhausted and eventually sick. This was the consequence of me not looking after my own energy first. I managed to clear it with the help of my amazing Kinesiologist, but through this experience I realized it is much more effective to look after yourself on a daily basis. You might find that you need help from a therapist of this kind at some point, so follow your own intuition as to whether you need this extra boost.
In the meantime, the following are a few tips to maintaining your own energy levels that you can perform daily. Some of them take a few moments while others are a bit more elaborate, so choose which one you like or have time for. Just remember, it is all about intent.
White Sage: This is an excellent cleanser. Simply light the incense and run the smoke over your body through your aura. Make sure you start this practice with a statement of intent, such as ‘I intend for this incense to cleanse and purify my aura and cut and heal any cords or attachments’. If you need a heavy duty cleanse, pair it with dragonsblood, as this amplifies the properties of any incense it is burning with. Most people will use a smudge stick, but I often use an incense stick out of sheer laziness. Both work just as effectively. Find out what works best for you and the time you have at your disposal.
Reiki: Reiki is powerful energy healing that can heal on all three levels – mind, body and spirit. It helps to keep us energized and centred. I will do this one of four ways: reiki myself to sleep by placing my activated hands on my body as I drift off, draw the power or master symbol on the shower head and have a reiki bath, give myself a full reiki session, or send distance reiki to myself, programming it to be sent to me throughout the day or whatever other period I wish. These are just a few, but with reiki, the only limit is your imagination! This may be more difficult if you aren’t reiki attuned, however, you can always find a practitioner in your area to work with as a therapist or your reiki master teacher.
Crystals: These are good for protection or fortification, but some, like amethyst, will clear and transmute the negative energy around you and others, like clear quartz, can be programmed. They are also very easy to use, as you simply put one on your person in a pocket or wear as jewelry. You can also pair them together: I have paired amethyst and apache tear (obsidian) together for clearing and protection. Just remember, that some crystals don’t ‘like’ each other in the sense they don’t vibrate at the same frequency or are trying to do two separate things. I once had an amethyst pendant break after wearing it with a carnelian… Follow your gut, but do your research too!
Essential Oils: I have recently made myself a spray with sage and white angelica, but many people who use these oils simply use white angelica neat on the back of their neck. You can put them anywhere you feel drawn to. I simply spray my aura and body with the spray whenever I feel drawn as an extra boost or if I’m in a hurry. A spray is also good to have as it can cleanse spaces, such as offices, class rooms, cars etc.
Visualisation: This can be done in a meditation, but often we don’t have time. For when you feel bombarded or leave a conversation not feeling quite yourself, here are some visualisations that can help you to disconnect and reconnect with you quickly:
Visualise yourself in a protective outfit of some kind, affirming that this will protect you throughout the day. If you don’t like the word ‘protect’ (I was not a huge fan, as it implied there was something to I needed protection from, but other people’s energy, if left unchecked, is that something), I often say ‘my energy is my own’ and I visualise a black cloak, or thick honey, or full armour, or chainmail surround my body and my aura, keeping my energy in (as we often project stuff to others) and other’s energy out.
Visualise a sword or knife swinging down in front of you and down your back, ask that all cords and attachments are severed and healed. You can also invoke a deity or angel, usually Archangel Michael, in this process as well.
Go out into the sun and feel or visalise the rays coming down and ask that they transmute any negative energy in your aura, sever and heal all cords and attachments and reconnect you with your own source energy.
Reiki power symbol can be used around you or the room you’re in by drawing it on the four compass directions and above and below you creating a powerful, cleansing reiki box.
Visualise roots from the soles of your feet or the base of your spine, extending deep into mother earth. Ask her to send her healing energy back up into your body and aura to cleanse and purify your energy. This one is good as it can be done anywhere, even on the toilet, which is often the only place we get any privacy!
Meditation: This is the big one. I often do a short 15 minute meditation which clears my chakras, or where I simply lie down and connect to my own soul essence. It doesn’t have to be this long, elaborate meditation with candles and sage burning. Just a simple meditation with the intent to reconnect with your own energy and clear that which doesn’t serve you will suffice. Monkey mind will most likely get in the way, just accept it and remember that sitting in your own energy is one of the most effective ways to boost your strength.
Grounding on the grass: This will be one of the more difficult for some, especially those who live in big cities. All you need to do is sit or stand on the grass, visualise the roots extending deep into mother earth and ask her to replenish your energy. You can also send the excess energy down to her, just remember to ask it to be transmuted, cleansed and healed – we don’t want to start sending her negative or lower energy! There’s enough going on without us unintentionally adding to it. This is good for the more kinesthetic among us, those who need to do something tangible.
Exercise: this is also one for the kinesthetic among us. Any exercise done alone with the intention of reconnecting with yourself will work a treat. I wont go into the science or biology here, I have just found that 30 minutes of yoga or walking or cycling works wonders for getting me out of the muck and back to myself. Find what works for you, and remember it is all about intent.
This is by no means a definitive list, but it is certainly a start. As I always say, follow your own gut and do what works for you. Just find something you can do on a daily basis to keep your energy your own. Feel free to add any ways you have found successful in the comments below!
The Dark Night of the Soul is an intense emotional period that forces you to deal with the baggage, patterns and behaviors that are keeping you stagnant. I have explained this more deeply in part 1, along with some signs to know it is happening to you. My hope with part 2 is to share some practical tips for dealing with it when it does come up, and as we try to better ourselves and be the best person we can be, it most certainly will. It is certainly nothing to be afraid of, but embraced and valued as the vehicle that will help change our lives. I know it certainly has changed mine.
Acceptance: This means accepting and surrendering to what is and what was. This will allow you to stop fighting against your own head and heart and begin to sift through events and emotions that linger. It is time to stop pretending we are ok and everything is fine and just be in the emotion. We don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, just accept it within ourselves and work with it. The first step to moving past something is to accept it. It was probably the hardest, yet most liberating step for me as I was always the one who was ok. I never wanted to cause a fuss or ‘rock the boat’. Accepting that I was not ok, within myself, allowed me to drop the heavy weight of responsibility I had somehow managed to take on for myself and move forward. I didn’t have to be ok for anybody. I just had to be. Acceptance is the first step that opens up the others and makes them possible. It is also about accepting our lives and relationships as they are. I first had to accept that I had an absentee father, before I could move through the healing process that is the dark night and forgive (see step 3 below) him for not having the tools to be the father I needed. Accept that your family is dysfunctional or your relationship is failing or you life isn’t what you want it to be. Acceptance allows things to heal.
The only way out is through: As much as I tried, I couldn’t just drop the emotion behind me and forget about it. I had been trying to do that all my life, and it got me nowhere. Nowhere I wanted to be anyway. We can’t cut it off, dissolve it with white light and love, melt it with visualizations of fire or lava. We have to sit with the emotions and give them space. Cry. Scream. Punch a pillow. Whatever. Just giving ourselves permission to feel them and the space to release them is all that is needed. Journaling also helps tremendously. It allowed me to gather my thoughts and see more clearly what was going on and the patterns and origins emerged more clearly. They key here is ONE at a time! I had to learn this the hard way. Be patient with yourself as you move through this and deal with one emotion/event/issue at a time. The onion analogy might seem like a cliché, but it is far from it.
Forgiveness: of yourself and others. This doesn’t mean it’s ok what happened or that we’ll let it happen again, just that it no longer defines us or rules our lives. Accept, learn, forgive and walk away. We also have to forgive ourselves: for not knowing better at the time; for making mistakes; for hanging on far too long. A big part of this is compassion, but that also comes with time. For me, forgiving myself was the first step to forgiving others. If it is true about love – to love another you must first love yourself – then it is true for forgiveness too.
Seek help: Don’t be afraid to talk to someone. A *friend is great, but we often sugar coat things out of fear of hurting them – especially if they are part of the problem. Talking to an unbiased third party can help us to uncover more about ourselves as we are free to speak our truth, 100%. See a counselor or psychologist. Try kinesiology or NLP. See a reiki practitioner or crystal therapist. Try aromatherapy or homeopathy or naturopathy. Read articles such as this, or watch YouTube clips or documentaries. Sometimes just knowing we are not alone is enough to help get us through. Personally, I avoided pharmaceutical drugs, because I feel they only mask the symptoms and don’t get to the cause, but don’t be afraid to consider it. I did, but didn’t like the side effects, but I know they are there if I need them. Just be willing to ask for and accept help and be open to all possibilities. We are all different and what works for someone else may not work for you, so try a variety of things and do what does work for you.
Withdraw: It is ok to give ourselves time away from the world, time alone, to say no to things. Explain as much or as little as you like, just give yourself permission to say ‘no’. If you have demanding job or kids, it might be hard, but even a 30 minute walk outside is enough, as long as you are not inundated with meaningless noise and able to look within. It is vital that we spend as much time with ourselves as we can. This was particularly hard for me as I was always the person who put herself out for others, always saying yes to things I really wanted to say no to. I didn’t want to upset the other person by saying no, and had a miserable time doing so! Now, I realize it is vital that I learn to say no and honour where I am at that point in time. I put this one last as it is the one that we need to continue after the dark night is over. Once we emerge from the fog and darkness, we are totally different to the people we were when we entered and we need to give ourselves time to assimilate the changes and get to know ourselves again. This will help us to re-centre and recharge after we emerge back into the world and keep us connected to who we really are. Remember to be gentle with yourself here too. If you do find old patterns coming up, just remind yourself that you are no longer that person, forgive yourself and move forward. These things take time, so allow yourself to make a few mistakes along the way, just don’t go back!
The one thing we must not do during this process is ignore it, try to push it aside or even hurry it along.
Have patience with yourself.
This too shall pass.
*Your friendships may change and you might lose people during this process. Frankly, let them go. If they don’t support you and love you unconditionally, then they aren’t serving you anyway. Let them go, mourn their loss, but keep moving forward. Now you will have room in your life for new friends to enter, one who are more aligned with who you are now, your true kindred spirits. Release with love and welcome with love.
The dark night of the soul is an intensely emotional period in your life that forces you to acknowledge and release your emotional baggage. You will be forced to face all of those negative emotions that have been weighing you down and preventing you evolving into your true self. It is a time to ‘heal and deal’ as I like to say, to release what is holding you back and no longer serving your greatest and highest good.
Unfortunately the name is a misnomer. Don’t expect it to occur in just one night. It can take weeks, months and even years depending on your level of resistance. Mine took the better part of 18 months to move through and I am still settling into things. I lost many friendships and relationships during this time, and afterwards. A lot of it occurred by simply facing my family situation as it is. It might look like the Brady Bunch on paper, but it is far from it. It’s hard to realize that who you thought of as family don’t necessarily feel the same towards you. My Dark Night was one of the hardest periods of my life, but gods it was worth it! Even with all the loss, and all the assimilating still to come, I feel so much better about me and my life. It’s certainly worth it.
So, how do you know you are going through it? How do you know you’re on the verge? When do you know you are done? I am hoping that the following list will help you to recognize this, because acceptance and recognition is often the first step towards healing. And it also helps to understand what is going on so you don’t end up committing yourself!
Heightened Emotions: This for me was a nice little cocktail of anxiety, sadness and anger. Whatever it is for you, it will be hard for you to ignore these emotions any longer. They will be deeper and stronger than ever before and you might find yourself in situations where they break the dam you have built around them and overflow at inappropriate times. It is perfectly acceptable to park them, but it is not ok to leave them. Come back to them later, accept them and feel them. You don’t necessarily have to work out where they came from, but it often helps – it did for me. What was I sad about? Who was I angry at? What was I anxious about? Oddly, once I realized who I was angry at I also realized that I was chucking myself a nice little tantrum at spirit. I was angry at them for not giving me what I wanted, when and how I wanted it. Again, the origin or cause doesn’t matter, simply that you accept them and work through them. It is time to stop ignoring them and building that wall. Take it down one brick at a time and release the emotions behind it to the universe for healing. You do not need to carry them anymore.
People from the past come back into your life: and they will often bring with them the old emotions associated with them. If it is an ex-partner, old school bully, or family member, be aware of what emotions and patterns they are triggering. This is coming up to be healed, so allow it and think back to the first sign. This happened for me a few times, but most notably when I found out my ex-boyfriend had married my best friend’s childhood friend. They had everything I wanted – the house, the marriage (with or without the paper) and the child, and I was still wandering around childless and newly single… again… talk about feeling unworthy! Still, it triggered something in me that was aching to be healed. Acknowledge what it is and do the work. It is totally worth it.
Nothing feels right anymore: not your job, your car, your house, your friends, your favourite TV show, your favourite hobby. You may not know what makes you happy, where previously you did. This will come with a feeling of being lost, stagnant, or worse – both! I felt like a baseball that had been hit out of the park and was trying to find my way back. What I eventually realised was that I could find myself a new park. The old park did not suit me anymore, did not serve my highest good and was keeping me stuck. I had an opportunity now to move forward and find a park that helped me, rather than hindered me. To be honest, I am still going through this one. I am finding myself slipping into old patterns of behaviour that no longer serve me and it is leaving me tired and unhappy. But I now have compassion and forgiveness for myself and hope that it will all become clear in time. The best thing you can do for yourself is acknowledge when this happens and re-centre. In the meantime, your best bet is to acknowledge this feeling and be aware of the next sign!
Hermit time!: you will probably find that you won’t want to go out. It will be way too peoply out there! Besides, if you’ve reached sign 3 you won’t know what you want to do when you get out there anymore, anyway. This is your soul telling you it is time to be on your own for a while and take some time to heal. If you don’t you will end up rundown and eventually sick, and no one wants that. A lot of people will distract themselves with extra hobbies, or dinners out, or playing video games, or taking on more responsibility at work. Many will even binge watch whatever they can on Netflix even if it is boring (I have done this myself!), whatever they can to avoid being alone. It is all escapism, which is ok while you build up your strength and courage, but don’t set up camp here as it will leave you rundown and eventually make you sick. Honour this. Stay home. Learn to be on your own. Reintroduce yourself to you.
As I said, I am still going through a lot of these over 18 months later. I think the assimilation is often the hardest part of the change. I am still getting to know myself and understanding what is now important to me. It was the hardest period of my life to date and I needed a lot of courage and strength to go through it. What I do know for sure, if I feel this good and I’m still assimilating, how amazing will I feel once it’s all settled?
It is one of the hardest periods you will go through in your entire life, but it is also one of the most beneficial.
I recently went on a holiday to Peru. It was a hiking holiday up the Quarry Trail, 4,400m above sea level, up mountains so steep I was walking doubled over for most of it, even with hiking poles, and so beautiful I literally cried. Literally.
I am only slightly exaggerating when I say it nearly killed me, and if it wasn’t for the horse, it may well have. I have never done anything so challenging in my entire life. Or as liberating.
You see, I travelled alone. Sure, I met a tour group when I got there, but most of the travelling I did on my own. I arrived a few days early to give myself time to acclimatize and I did this alone. I wandered the streets of Cuzco, alone. I got myself out of a situation I was not comfortable with, alone. I survived, alone.
You see, I was one of those ‘One Day’ people. One of those ‘When I meet someone’ people with no confidence to do things without a safety blanket. I have recently come to realize that I am in fact that someone and ‘one day’ is TODAY. No more waiting around for Mr. or Mrs. Right (because a travelling companion can be either). No more ‘One day I will…’ statements. I am not getting any younger, as people always say, and NOW is the time to do what I want to do. For me. With me. Because in the end, all you really have is yourself, your experiences and your memories.
I also quickly realized that I had completely underprepared for the trek. I had done heaps of walking and riding to get myself fit and increase my endurance, because I thought that stamina would be the key here. I was totally wrong. I felt I had not done nearly enough up-hill walking, and absolutely none at any real altitude. And rightly so, where in Australia can you hike at the altitudes necessary to prepare for such a hike? The hardest part was getting a full breath, while it felt like a small child was using my chest as a bed. I very nearly turned back after the first day.
After waking up on the third day with very little muscle pain, I soon realized that I was way stronger in my body that I thought I was. I had yet again underestimated myself. 18 months of pole dancing and the bike riding had made my leg muscles stronger than I could ever have imagined and that it was quite possible I was in better physical condition than I gave myself credit for. It could be this or the constant Reiki I had programmed to receive, I’m not totally sure. Either way, for the first time in my life I realized that I am totally capable of doing something like this and it felt great!
My point is, at some point you have to act on your desires and stop waiting for your life to start. It has already started, it is happening even as you read this. One Day will never come, because it is like tomorrow – it doesn’t really exist. All we have is this moment and what we are doing in this moment, whether it be for our current happiness or for our future happiness, the only time that exists is NOW.
My other point is to not underestimate your abilities. Push yourself just a little bit further and have the courage to admit when you’re done (as I had to on part of the second day where I rode the horse to catch up to the rest of the group) and ask for help. But first, you have to have the courage to at least try.
Personal growth, getting out of your comfort zone and challenges are hard, but totally worth it in the end.
I now know that I can do whatever I put my mind to and that I don’t need anyone to do it with me. Sure, it would be nice, but company is no longer a prerequisite I have set for myself. I also now know that I have no idea what I am really capable of and I have the courage to see exactly what my limits are. I know what I want my future to look like and I am now taking steps to bring that about – including an epic trip to Europe in 2018. I can travel alone. I can hike up mountains. I can look after myself in a country where they don’t speak English. I can…
When did text break ups become a thing? Did we lose all our courage, compassion and resilience when they invented mobile texting?
It’s a disgrace that a person can end a 12 year relationship over text and never actually have a conversation. This actually happened to a friend’s daughter very recently. They have 3 boys together, a home and over a decade of family life and it all comes down to a 75c text… Not even that if you’re on an unlimited plan like I am.
Is this what the world is coming to, people hiding behind a screen? People typing what they would never say to a person’s face on social media and what they really should say over text? When did the rules of common decency and compassion disappear?
I wont even say he should ‘man up’ – He should ‘adult up’. we should all ‘adult up’ and take responsibility for our actions in a compassionate way.
We should bring back Grandma’s sayings from childhood: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Not a single person I know would welcome a break up text. So, DON’T DO IT!
This just seem like basic human decency to me.
I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule, as there always are. But, if you’ve slept together, more than a text should be required. Or if you have a drawer at their house. Or if you’ve met the parents. Or if you have children. Or if you have exchanged vows or made plans to do so.
It seems obvious to me if you’ve shared more than saliva, it’s at least semi-serious and the option for a text break up is long past. Especially if you’ve mingled DNA to create an entirely new human.
Am I alone here? Am I one of the few that would never send a break up text?
Please, if you’re out there let me know and restore some of my faith in humanity.
Have you been on the receiving end of a break up text? Please, share your story so people can read it and hopefully understand what it is like to receive one. Hopefully we can illuminate this practice and it’ll burn away like a vampire in the sun and bring back compassion.
It’s time to ‘adult up’, be accountable for our decisions and face life with compassion and integrity. Let’s get our big girl and big boy pants on and do the right thing. For the sake of humanity and the future of decency.
I’ll think ‘I wouldn’t mind X’ and then within 2 weeks, I’ve got it. It has mostly been superficial stuff, like earrings or sandals, but it’s working so quickly these days. Sometimes even with 48 hours.
The key is that I’m surrendering. I’m asking and then allowing Spirit to send it to me, or guide me to it, whichever the case may be. I’m releasing expectation or attachment to the outcome and quite literally people are offering me the things I’ve been asking for. I have to pay for them, but in my world everything requires an energy exchange of some sort.
So, this part is fantastic! Plus the part where I’m releasing expectations and attachments – finally surrendering – feels amazing!
But, like most things in this world, there’s a dark side to manifesting. Insert appropriate Yin and Yang reference here.
What most of us don’t realize, including myself up until very recently, is that we often manifest the bad too. Since manifestation comes from thought energy, we are quite literally creating our thoughts in the physical.
A friend of mine recently spoke to me about this. She felt she had manifested her house getting robbed. After checking with her that her thoughts were not in fact ‘Spirit nudges’ telling her to beware, it would appear she did. She put so much energy into the thought it opened up her energy for it.
I have to stress here there is no blame or judgement, only understanding. Now she (in fact we) is fully aware of her power, she can channel it into positive things.
I myself are responsible for my own dark manifestations, though mine are more emotional than physical. If I look back over past friendships and relationships, I realize I have manifested certain emotional reactions or outcomes based on on expectations within myself. My thoughts have literally created my reality. They’ll always hurt r betray you. you’re not good enough for them and they don’t like you anyway. I then behave in a certain way, unconscious as it is, that the expected outcome manifests. They leave. they hurt or betray me. they stop talking to me or I lose their respect in some way.
I’m not saying these people don’t have their own role in outcomes or that i’m God and can make people act a certain way, but my own expectations influence events as they unfold. Maybe if I looked back some of these statements could be changed ‘they’ to ‘I’. Certainly in the romantic relationships it works – I leave. I stop talking to them or they lose my respect. I hurt or betray them. This last one is hard to accept as I never thought I would ever, but now is the time to be honest with myself and I can’t say it’s honestly impossible.
So, while we are manifesting our dream job, or favourite car, or even our soul mate, what else are we manifesting? What other thoughts are we giving our power to that is creating our circumstances? If we can manifest the good with our thoughts, it stands to reason that we can also manifest the bad.
Our powers of manifestation aren’t reserved for the positive circumstances. in a world of duality, we need to be aware of the dark.