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Today is my Birthday…

Today is my birthday.

I find myself wondering who will message me and who will remember and whether they will ring or send a message or actually come and visit etc etc.

I have even hidden my birthday on social media as a ‘test’ to see who I matter enough to for them to remember. I now realise that this post will be sent to my social media, thus defeating the purpose, but hindsight is amazing, isn’t it?

What it boils down to is me attributing my worth as a human being to how many messages I get for my birthday. As if I am ‘less than’ if I don’t get as many messages as I feel I am worthy of.

And how many is that? 50? 100??

And why does it matter more to hear from people on my birthday when I don’t hear from them at any other time of the year? This doesn’t necessarily mean I matter, it means they can remember someone’s birthday. In fact, I have had trouble remembering the exact day of my best friend’s birthday since we met 12 years ago. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t matter, it means I can’t remember if it’s the 30th or 31st. It’s more a matter of remembering if it’s the last or second last day of that month, because some have 30 days and others 31. It’s not about her at all. I love and appreciate her every day and I hope she knows it. Or maybe I have this backward and she matters enough for me to even question this?

Why do we, as a society, put so much emphasis on external validation? That’s what this is about, external validation. The more messages I get, the more validated I am as a human being, the more I am influencing other people’s lives, the more I feel I am worthy to take up the space I do in this planet.

It’s time for me to turn my validation inward.

I matter to me. I matter because I exist and I exist because I matter. I am important to me.

The rest is icing on the birthday cake.

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Learning to let go and accept… again…

I have this nasty habit of trying to teach people to be better, of trying to highlight other people’s problems to them in an effort to get them to see these and fix them. It’s as if I have taken on the responsibility of their growth for myself and put all of my energy into getting them to be better people.

It’s a natural part of me for a few reasons: I am a natural born teacher, not just by trade; I am a ruling 4, which are the natural helpers and doers of the world; and, I know just how beneficial personal growth can be because I’ve done a lot of it already.

It seems a part of my growth is still to let go and accept people for who they are in any given moment. It also stands to reason, as one of my karmic lessons is the 4, but learning when to give my help and when to step back is still a major block for me.

I have recently had the opportunity to work on this area again. I wont go into too much personal detail here, but suffice to say, I saw someone struggling and doing things in a way that wasn’t for their highest or best good and tried to get them to see this and change.

All it ended up doing was causing strain within the relationship and exhaustion within myself.

So, I’ve let it go. I have accepted that sometimes people just don’t want to let go of their baggage and all I need to do is be there and support them when and if they ask for it. I have learned that sometimes people just need unconditional love and acceptance of who and where they are in this moment. I have also learned to ‘choose my battles’, especially to discern whether the battle is even mine in the first place.

Sometimes the only thing a person can do is plant a seed. It is up to the other people whether is grows or not.

Uncategorized

I’m Back!!

Ok, so I’m back! It has been soooo long since I published, so I hope you will still be getting these!

My life has been a bit hectic of late. Some massive changes (yep, that’s a 5 year for you!) have sent my life into a tail spin and it made question everything.

Reflection is definitely a good thing,but this one made me realise I was doing most of the things that would make my heart sing, I just had to add gardening to the list and I feel complete.

Well, almost…

It all started here…

What I realised is that I was on the right track with writing and doing readings and refining my mediumship, I just needed some time away to reassess. I feel as if it is making me value these things all the more for the time away.

My restyled Boho digs, complete with emerging indoor jungle!

There has also been a bit of an image makeover, but it is more of an ‘owning who I am and expressing that through my clothing choices’ rather than a makeover. Probably more of an ‘image reveal’. Either way, I am feeling more connected to me than ever before, more stronger in who I am and where I am heading. And I feel it has all been because of my time away from it all.

It doesn’t matter how far we deviate, or for how long, just as long as we get (back) to where we need to be.

Spirituality

Letting kids feel their feelings

“Don’t be nervous. Miss isn’t nervous, is she?”

This is the exact sentence I heard from a teacher to students who were about to start filming. I am not sure about the details, but they would be asked to give their thoughts on something in front of a camera.

Don’t be nervous? DON’T BE NERVOUS??

Yes, be nervous! Just don’t let it stop you from doing what you want.

Yes, be nervous! Just do it anyway.

No wonder kids are being diagnosed with ‘anxiety disorders’.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that for some people it is an actual problem that needs to be medicated. Debilitating anxiety and panic attacks are nothing to dismiss.

But for many, it is simply a lack of understanding of their emotions.

Nerves are good, it means that something is important to you. It means that you want to do well. It means that you care.

This false idea that they shouldn’t be nervous makes kids believe that their feelings are wrong, or that they are wrong for having them, and nothing could be further from the truth.

Emotions are an important part of this human experience. Without them we only get one side of the experience.

If we start ignoring our nerves, it isn’t long before we start to suppress all of our emotions, and, speaking from experience, that never ends well.

We should honour and acknowledge how kids are feeling and give them the skills to move past the less than desirable emotions and do what they need to anyway. Feelings aren’t bad, and we need to stop telling kids what they should be feeling and start working with what they are feeling.

The emotions will come out somewhere and somehow. Perhaps naming them and acknowledging them when they hit will prevent them overflowing and coming out as aggression or depression or one of the many other emotions that are destructive in excess.

Allow kids to be nervous and give them the tools to get the job done anyway.

Current Issues

Overcoming Rape-Culture, Victim Blaming and the Patriarchy

Yet again, a woman gets raped and murdered and it’s her fault.

Just a few weeks ago, 22 year old Eurydice Dixon was walking home when she was attacked and raped and murdered. She took all of the precautions, messaging her friends letting them know she was almost home safe.

This is the thing that gets me. She took all of the precautions.

Why should she have to take any precautions? Why was it her fault she got raped and murdered and not the fault of the man who did the raping and murdering?

Why should we have to make sure we are in groups or have rape whistles or be on our phones or even wear security underwear? Or worse, like the women in South Africa who have to wear anti-rape gear and equip their daughters from as young as ten.

And this isn’t the first time women have been told to be careful.

A recent article warned women to go out in groups as sexual assaults had risen on Queensland’s Gold Coast.

A few years ago in Far North Queensland a young girl was raped by her two friends, but they were acquitted because she was drinking with them and must have asked for it. This from a female judge too!! Just shows how far victim blaming has spread.

Again, if we took better precautions this wouldn’t happen.

Pfft. It’s patriarchal bullshit directed at us so they don’t have to feel bad about doing all the raping in the first place. It’s childish bullshit akin to ‘but he hit me first!’

This whole world is run by boys in men’s bodies and it’s total bullshit.

A man hitting a woman is like a sibling hitting them and yelling ‘she started it!’

Incels crying because they can’t get laid is like a toddler having a tantrum because Mummy took away his favourite toy.

Childish bullshit.

No wonder the world is in the state it’s in. It’s like the global version of Lord of the Flies – or maybe this was the point the author was trying to make? We actually have children running the world and screwing it up.

But, to get back on track, if men didn’t do these things, women wouldn’t be getting hurt.

This is kind of a given, although a lot of men still can’t bring themselves to think this way. They don’t want to ‘dob on a mate’, activity I see all the time in High School.

Which brings me to the ‘not all men’ argument.

Yes, it’s true that not all men rape, abuse and murder women.

But not all men would stand up against the abuser and tell him to stop.

Not all men would go against their mates and tell them it’s not ok to have sex with that unconscious girl at a party.

Not all men would ‘dob on a mate’ if they saw or heard them doing it.

Men need to stand up and be vocal too. Tell your mate his behaviour isn’t acceptable. Stand up for your sister or mother or cousin or aunty or friend. You have the power to make the change. We all do, if we all stand up and say it’s not ok.

We all need to stand up and change the culture, but the reality is men care more about what their mates think than the general population. They are subject to peer pressure just like the rest of us, even if we don’t want to admit it.

Please, for the sake of the women in your life, be that mate that says it’s not ok. Be that mate that teaches him what he should do. Be that mate that helps him be a better person and avoid going to jail (the very small percentage that do actually make it there and not through some bullshit legal loophole or some judge’s prejudice, but that’s another story).

Bad things happen when good people stand by and do nothing.

Are you that good person?

Spirituality

Thoughts on Life

This week has been a hectic and emotional week. My Mother and I helped my Grandparents move from a town 3 hours away, to one 45 minutes from me.

This is something my Nan has wanted for almost a decade, if not longer. For one reason or another, my Pop always refused. She has essentially spent the last 10 years miserable, living in a town she loathed.

This week, she got her wish, except she wasn’t able to enjoy it like she should have.

Early this year she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

As these thins go, it escalated quickly to the point now where she is repeating the same two stories without pause. I could go into the ways in which it is manifesting, but most of us have seen it at least once or heard stories.

The part of all of this that gets me, is that she was so completely lost and stressed throughout the entire move she couldn’t relax and get excited. When I asked her if she was excited her reply was “I would be if I knew where we were going”.

On the day, she was restless and irritable, argumentative and emotional. It was like watching a toddler getting ready for daycare.

She put her good rings away somewhere, didn’t tell anyone else, forgot where they were and became fixated on finding them. We managed to reassure her that if we couldn’t see them, they were packed somewhere and she calmed for a few minutes, before ‘remembering’ and the whole process would start again. Eventually she found them and relaxed a little, but then it was something else.

My point is, I wish for her that she had have done this years ago when she was lucid enough to not only understand what was happening, but enjoy the process and get as excited as Mum and I were.

Selfishly, I wish that it had happened when I was able to truly enjoy her company like I used to as a kid. We could watch movies and snuggle in the lounge. Go to Bingo or Housie or Alphie and she’d drive and play the pokies and give me half of her winnings. Drink cup after cup of tea or coffee and she’d tell me stories about her youth and the family. She’d cook me dinner and I’d feel like I was the most important person in the world.

Now, I don’t know what it is going to look like. I am lucky she still remembers who I am, and if you tell her a few times, she remembers what is going on around her.

Anyway, the point of this is, don’t put things off.

Do them today.

It is a cliche, but it is probably one of the few that shouldn’t be.

Don’t put off til tomorrow what you could do today.

Write that book. Climb that mountain. Run that marathon. Tell him you love him. Hug your kids. Go on that holiday. Get married. Watch the sunset over the Indian Ocean.

Whatever it is, just do it.

And enjoy it while you can.

Find the happiness and fun in every moment, that spoonful of sugar. Don’t go to bed angry. Use your energy for happiness and love, not hate. Be kind, to yourself and others. Be happy now.

You don’t know how many tomorrows you have.

And apparently, you don’t have to die for your time to be up.

Veganism

The consequences of seeking approval from others

I never wanted to actually be an activist. It wasn’t something that spoke to me on a deep level.

I tried though. Convinced by another’s arguments and my own need for approval surfacing, I tried.

I went to a Cube of Truth, although in truth it was a bit of a shambles because they decided at the last minute to move it to a location closer to the CBD. I had been riding my bike all morning and wasn’t keen on the extra ride, so I went home, not getting to see it in its full glory.

I was able to stay for the discussion and role play, which was informative and confidence boosting. Still, I was really only there to see how it all works, see it in action, dip my toes in before I took the whole dive. I’m cautious like that. Sometimes…

The whole time I was there, it felt wrong, I felt wrong. I felt like an imposter, like a sheep in wolves clothing. It didn’t feel ‘mine’.

Please don’t mistake me, it’s not that I had to be the one to ‘find’ it. I’m not that shallow. But when you are with your tribe you feel it in your bones. Your heart sings with happiness and you look around and you ‘see’ all of the people there. You belong. It feels ‘mine’.

I can’t say I ‘saw’ anyone, not even the ‘friends’ I was there with. I felt alone, out of place.

Still, I thought I could do some stuff behind the scenes. Help raise some funds for the group so they could get more gear, etc. Give back that way.

So, I offered to organise a fundraiser in the form of a psychic and well-being fair. The last fundraiser I had been a part of raised $3000+ for the cause, I thought the Cube could have used a similar amount to buy resources for their events and maybe even have a stall and a talk on the day to raise awareness… apparently not…

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I realised what was going on.

I have said earlier that I had allowed other people to dictate to me how to ‘do friendships’ and it left me hurt and disappointed. Without going into too much detail, it was this friend who had convinced me that I should be an activist.

It seems I looked at my choice not to be an activist as wrong, and made changes accordingly.

I allowed myself to be drawn into a world that I knew I didn’t belong for the wrong reasons: an attempt to be fully accepted by this friend. I let my need for approval control my choices (as I said before also, I had moved past this) and I changed who I was to fit someone else’s ideal.

I am not an activist.

I am a teacher. I am a healer. I am a psychic and (budding) medium. My passion is to help people clear their blocks, become more conscious of the patterns that are holding them back and help them move forward. This is who I am. This the life I am working towards.

It’s OK that I don’t want to be a public activist. It’s not who I am. I might still do stuff behind the scenes, and even find a way to hold an event fundraiser for another cause who will welcome the donation.

But, public activism doesn’t make my heart sing. I am probably more passionate about reversing all of the damage the patriarchy has caused so women can be totally free and safe in the world. So men can own their own natures and not feel inadequate when they don’t meet the standards of masculinity put forward by the patriarchy. So all people in the world can just be themselves. Totally and completely.

My other passion is showing people how bad animal products are for your health. Giving them the facts about nutrition and educating them on how the body works so they can see for themselves the harm certain foods do to their body. This might be a hobby or sideline gig though.

Anyone telling me that it isn’t OK to be who I am, for whatever reason, is putting conditions on their love and I don’t need that. I love myself too much now to be bound by others’ rigid guidelines of acceptance and approval. I will not jump through hoops so people will like me. I’ll just find another circus!

I totally honour and even agree with her reasoning as to why we should all be activists. However, honouring myself is more important.

I never want to feel like an impostor again.

Blessed Be! xx

 

Spirituality

Manifestation Magic: Part 2

This is an extension of my thoughts from Part 1, although not titled as such. I always knew there would be more. Considering what I am currently learning about manifestation, there will probably be a part 3!

In my previous post I spoke about the negative impacts of manifestation and how they can impact our lives just as much (if not more than) the positive. I am also happy to say that I am still manifesting like a magician, sometimes within 30 minutes. A short anecdote to this effect.

I was recently on a trip through Cambodia. I was with a tour group and totally excited to meet everyone. While getting ready for the meet-n-greet I had a thought – “I wish I had brought one of my smaller shoulder bags, just to carry my personals in. This backpack is going to get tiresome pretty quick! Oh well, I’m not buying another one so I’ll have to make do.” Then BAM! At the meet-n-greet the tour guide gives us all shoulder bags made by locals with traditional tartans on them! So amazing.

Ok, so now onto the deeper stuff… although that story perfectly illustrates my main point for this post. Synchronicity!!

I have recently come to the realisation that there are also another two sides to manifestation. Not only is there the positive/negative aspect of manifesting, but there is the giving/receiving aspect.

I’ll explain.

When we ask for something, say a shoulder bag, a new lounge or a new job, something has to happen. Things just don’t fall out of the sky. Someone has to actually give you these things.

My tour guide had to actually organise for the bags to be made and then bring them to the meeting. Someone had to say ‘I know someone who has a lounge they want to get rid of!’ Someone has to actually offer you the job, and maybe even lose theirs to make way for you!

An exchange takes place in all instances.

This then naturally flows into our own part in manifestation. Sometimes we have to give something to someone else. If we don’t do the giving, then manifestation doesn’t happen as quickly, if at all!

Another anecdote: one day I was walking home from the shops, grocery bag full of a few essential items. I can’t remember what exactly, but bread rolls was part of it. Maybe I was making burgers or something. Anyway, I came across a man who I assumed to be homeless. I had the strong urge to give him a couple of my bread rolls. I had 6, and only 4 patties (yes, I was making burgers, I remember now!) so I could in reality spare 2. However, I argued with myself over this urge – what if he isn’t actually homeless? What if I insult him with the offer? How can I assume anything? – and didn’t give the man the rolls. It would have been easily done, ‘hey mate, how are you? Are you hungry? Here have some rolls!’ Or conversely, ‘oh, you’re not homeless? I apologise, but I got this urge to give you some rolls. Would you like some anyway?’ The only thing that would have been hurt was my ego, which is probably why my ego talked me out of it.

In this scenario, to get us back to my part in manifestation, what if that man had asked the universe for some rolls? Or maybe food in general? What if my urge to give him the rolls was manifestation at work and I rationalised my way out of it? What if I was the person who was supposed to give him the rolls like the tour guide gave me the bag?

My point here is, that in manifestation there is always a giver and a receiver. Things don’t just fall out of think air, they don’t just appear. Someone always has to give you something or do something in order for manifestation to work – something I remember vaguely about the law of opposites or polarity or some such…

 

So, the next time you get an urge to do something for someone or give them something, just know this may be your part in the manifestation process and do it! I know I will! 😀

Veganism

The problem with labels and judgements

This is probably going to be a little bit ‘rant-y’. You have been warned…

Yet again I have been disappointed by the vegan community.

Apparently, eating ethically sourced, local honey, but only when you are sick, isn’t ‘vegan enough’. Apparently, eating eggs your own backyard chickens laid isn’t ‘vegan enough’.

I’ve been attacked and ridiculed before for not being vegan, this is not new to me. I rode a horse up the Andes (which was freaking amazing btw), but that’s not vegan. My choice to not be an activist didn’t make me ‘vegan enough’. Now, the honey thing.

I’ve also seen others being attacked for their choices and it’s not fair.

It’s judgemental and intolerant bullshit and it needs to stop.

It’s at the point now where I don’t want to be associated with veganism at all, thinking of even changing the name of the blog. Maybe something like ‘plant-based Mystic’ or ‘cruelty-free Witch’. Maybe ‘And harm none’ as a nod to the rede.

I went so far as to want to eat a Big Mac as a giant ‘Fuck you!’ to the vegan community. I didn’t, because of the animals, my own health and the simple fact I made a commitment, but when you are ready to go against everything you stand for, your core values, everything that makes you you, you know it’s serious.

The thing is, I’ve spent my entire life not being ‘enough’. Not smart enough, or pretty enough, or thin enough, quiet enough, interesting enough, not experienced enough… the list goes on.

I’ve made a resolution in my 30s to steer clear of anyone telling me I’m not enough, because I am, by the Goddess! My basic existence tells me I am enough. The fact that I think and breathe and try to be kind, tells me I’m enough. And I’ll be damned if I am going to let anyone tell me I’m not enough any more.

If that means not associating with or as a vegan, then so be it. I’ll find another label for myself and go that way.

Or just stop using them.

The other thing that annoyed me was someone’s argument that other people’s choices to adjust the term in practice makes their lives harder. Well, guess what? That’s your problem! Not mine. I am honouring myself, just like you are honouring yourself. Don’t you think that you being an intolerant arsehole makes my life harder? No one seems to think of it that way do they?

On a more practical note, the other argument was ‘When I have to explain to people that I don’t eat honey when other vegans do is inconvenient’. Well, I don’t know what restaurants you are going to, but unless they are 100% dedicated vegan restaurants, everyone has to explain themselves! I think this person was just pissed that other people aren’t ‘doing it right’. And coming from someone who used to be concerned with ‘doing it right’, it is exhausting and a waste of time. My advice? Stop, before the stress kills you…

I just wish people would be less concerned with right and wrong and just embrace those people who are trying. Accept those people who are educated enough to want to make the change and dedicated enough to risk living ‘without cheese’ or ‘bacon though’ for the good of the animals, themselves and the planet. Why can’t we just spend more one educating those people who are still unaware, and less time bickering among ourselves and judging our own for our eccentricities.

I have made an educated choice to consume honey, based on medical and scientific studies. I have also chosen to do my own research and find ethical, sustainable and cruelty-free sources of the product. If this effort and thought doesn’t make me vegan, if it’s not enough to fit into the club, then so be it. I’m done with trying to live up to the expectations of others and too old to care what you think of me.

Rant over. 💖😇🕉

Blessed Be! xx

Spirituality

Honour your Shadow

Soul Doctor podcast strikes again!

I was listening to episode 1 of season 2 today and yet again, the messages where synchronistic for what I have already been thinking.

For years I have been reading positive affirmations online and hearing people say how they work for them.

Over the last few years I have had a different feeling about them.

I had come to agree with some other authors of various works that focussing on positivity too much redirects your attention away from the negative, in effect preventing us from truly dealing with it. We have triggers, programs and patterns for a reason, and they come up to be healed. Also, it prevents us truly knowing ourselves and loving ourselves unconditionally.

If we always redirect from the unpleasant emotions, we aren’t really releasing them. They are merely suppressed until they come out another way, through illness and dis-ease.

We have to honour our anger, sadness, grief, shame and all the other unpleasant emotions. We have to feel them to release them and truly move forward. We have to go through it, we can’t ignore it or cut it away and simply move on.

There is a lot to learn in our pain, especially about our own actions that lead to it. If we never face our crap, we can never heal it properly and will be destined to repeat the same patterns over and over again.

We cannot ignore our shadow, for it is our greatest teacher.