Spiritual Awakening

The Holier-Than-Thou Effect: overcoming self-righteousness.

We’ve all been there. At least once. It usually comes from something we’ve learned about ourselves, the world or spirituality.

We understand immediately that not everyone else knows this, or comes close to seeing it, and some of us start to feel superior. As if we are part of a secret club that is separate from and better than everyone else. We start preaching to people about how this truth will change their lives.

For others, including myself, this feeling of separation leads to intense loneliness. In an attempt to overcome this, we start trying to help people by preaching our truth to them, hoping they too see what we see and come and join us.

This is what I call the Holier-than-thou Effect. The self-righteous behaviour and attitudes that are the result of feelings of separateness or superiority through our own personal growth and healing.

The main behaviour sees us preaching our ‘holier-than-thou’ truth to all and sundry. We see that other people are struggling and, out of a desire to help, start providing unsolicited advice about what they should do to help themselves.

This is the key, it is unsolicited. We take it upon ourselves to point out what we see about other people’s behaviours and attitudes and how they are blocking them from reaching their full potential.

And we value our advice. It came from years of experience. What better advice is there than from someone who has ‘been there, done that’?

But our advice falls on deaf ears. We become frustrated at our thwarted attempts to help these people. We question over and over why they can’t see what is plainly and clearly in front of them, sometimes within them. We don’t understand why they just don’t accept what we are telling them and commit to our suggestions for moving forward.

The truth is that what worked for us, and hopefully continues to do so, worked because we are who we are. It worked because we were ready to hear the message. It worked because we were ready to do the work.

What worked for us may not work for other people, because they come with their own unique set of programs, patterns and experiences. Reiki changed my life. That doesn’t guarantee that it will for my neighbour. Essential oils have helped me with so many physical and emotional issues. That doesn’t guarantee it will for my sister. Being vegan changed my life and allowed me to fully accept and love myself for who I am. That doesn’t mean it will for my best friend.

These things worked because they are igniting a part of who I am. They are tapping into my own individual soul’s vibration and unlocking the blocks to my own happiness. It is my own recipe for peace.

Someone else’s recipe might be kinesiology, nutrition, counselling, theta healing, crystals, angelic reiki, past life regression work, dance, Kundalini work, medication, art therapy, yoni massage, yoga, Zumba, chakra clearing… The list goes on.

What worked for us may not work for someone else.

Being self-righteous and preaching our truth to people who don’t want to or aren’t ready to listen only drives a bigger and bigger wedge between them and us. In some cases this wedge becomes that large we can no longer reach each other.

We must learn to wait until they come to us. We must be patient and compassionate with people who we know are clearly in need of healing. They must come to the path of their healing journey on their own. We must also accept that they may never be ready.

All we need to do is hold space for them when they are ready.

2 thoughts on “The Holier-Than-Thou Effect: overcoming self-righteousness.

  1. This is a helpful reminder for me. I tend to be this person and even though I know I’m coming from the “I want you to experience the beauty of life that I’ve begun to experience” place, it can come across condescending and cause separation. Thank you for your words 💗

    Liked by 1 person

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