Every day lately, something happens to show me just how far I’ve come. Things that used to trigger me don’t, and I realise just how much I’ve grown.
A situation happened just now, which has triggered this post (which you guys won’t read for a few days based on my own timing for posts and the back log I currently have!).
Driving to work, minding my own business and I decide to over take a slower driver. She wasn’t going much than 5ks slower than me, but I like to stick to the speed limit.
I overtake her in a calm and timely manner, wait a long distance in front of her then, change back into the left lane because I’m considerate like that (and there was some other impatient person right up my clacker, so I let them pass. I have no energy reserved for that fight!)
Next thing, she is now right up my clacker (there was a bit of a theme that morning) and overtaking me. She had sped up, going around 10ks over the speed limit just to overtake me. I can confidently assume that last part based on evidence, because after she had overtaken me she slowed down and we stayed virtually the same distance apart until the end of the Highway.
All I could do was laugh. And laugh. And laugh.
In the past, this would have eaten at me and eaten at me, until I was frustrated, anxious and mad. I had to show her how wrong she was, I had to prove to her that she was an idiot for thinking and acting the way she did. I would have had to overtake her again just to prove a point.
Today, I just laughed. I stayed calm and I let her go.
I know what it’s like to be that person. The one who has to prove how fast she is. The one who has to prove how good a driver she is. The one who has to always be in front.
I know what it’s like to be stuck in the controlling world of our own ego.
I know what it’s like to live life unconsciously.
Now, I have compassion for her and for people like this. Now, I understand that there are unconscious drives and motives that make people do certain things and act a certain way.
In the past, I might also have tried to overtake her to show her how silly she was. I would have been driven to accept the responsibility of teaching her or showing her what her own ego is doing to her.
Now, I understand that it’s not my job to show anyone another way, to force them to see it somehow, to teach them or to guide them out of their unconscious life, at least until they ask for it.
It is not my responsibility to help them grow past their own patterns and behaviours, and reflecting their own attitudes back to them certainly isn’t the best way. I no longer react to ego from my own ego.
So, I feel pretty good about life right now. I feel as if one major lesson has been learned and assimilated. I feel I am now one step closer to being my true self and being the example, whether they accept it or not.