Spirituality

Manifestation Magic: Part 2

This is an extension of my thoughts from Part 1, although not titled as such. I always knew there would be more. Considering what I am currently learning about manifestation, there will probably be a part 3!

In my previous post I spoke about the negative impacts of manifestation and how they can impact our lives just as much (if not more than) the positive. I am also happy to say that I am still manifesting like a magician, sometimes within 30 minutes. A short anecdote to this effect.

I was recently on a trip through Cambodia. I was with a tour group and totally excited to meet everyone. While getting ready for the meet-n-greet I had a thought – “I wish I had brought one of my smaller shoulder bags, just to carry my personals in. This backpack is going to get tiresome pretty quick! Oh well, I’m not buying another one so I’ll have to make do.” Then BAM! At the meet-n-greet the tour guide gives us all shoulder bags made by locals with traditional tartans on them! So amazing.

Ok, so now onto the deeper stuff… although that story perfectly illustrates my main point for this post. Synchronicity!!

I have recently come to the realisation that there are also another two sides to manifestation. Not only is there the positive/negative aspect of manifesting, but there is the giving/receiving aspect.

I’ll explain.

When we ask for something, say a shoulder bag, a new lounge or a new job, something has to happen. Things just don’t fall out of the sky. Someone has to actually give you these things.

My tour guide had to actually organise for the bags to be made and then bring them to the meeting. Someone had to say ‘I know someone who has a lounge they want to get rid of!’ Someone has to actually offer you the job, and maybe even lose theirs to make way for you!

An exchange takes place in all instances.

This then naturally flows into our own part in manifestation. Sometimes we have to give something to someone else. If we don’t do the giving, then manifestation doesn’t happen as quickly, if at all!

Another anecdote: one day I was walking home from the shops, grocery bag full of a few essential items. I can’t remember what exactly, but bread rolls was part of it. Maybe I was making burgers or something. Anyway, I came across a man who I assumed to be homeless. I had the strong urge to give him a couple of my bread rolls. I had 6, and only 4 patties (yes, I was making burgers, I remember now!) so I could in reality spare 2. However, I argued with myself over this urge – what if he isn’t actually homeless? What if I insult him with the offer? How can I assume anything? – and didn’t give the man the rolls. It would have been easily done, ‘hey mate, how are you? Are you hungry? Here have some rolls!’ Or conversely, ‘oh, you’re not homeless? I apologise, but I got this urge to give you some rolls. Would you like some anyway?’ The only thing that would have been hurt was my ego, which is probably why my ego talked me out of it.

In this scenario, to get us back to my part in manifestation, what if that man had asked the universe for some rolls? Or maybe food in general? What if my urge to give him the rolls was manifestation at work and I rationalised my way out of it? What if I was the person who was supposed to give him the rolls like the tour guide gave me the bag?

My point here is, that in manifestation there is always a giver and a receiver. Things don’t just fall out of think air, they don’t just appear. Someone always has to give you something or do something in order for manifestation to work – something I remember vaguely about the law of opposites or polarity or some such…

 

So, the next time you get an urge to do something for someone or give them something, just know this may be your part in the manifestation process and do it! I know I will! 😀

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Veganism

The problem with labels and judgements

This is probably going to be a little bit ‘rant-y’. You have been warned…

Yet again I have been disappointed by the vegan community.

Apparently, eating ethically sourced, local honey, but only when you are sick, isn’t ‘vegan enough’. Apparently, eating eggs your own backyard chickens laid isn’t ‘vegan enough’.

I’ve been attacked and ridiculed before for not being vegan, this is not new to me. I rode a horse up the Andes (which was freaking amazing btw), but that’s not vegan. My choice to not be an activist didn’t make me ‘vegan enough’. Now, the honey thing.

I’ve also seen others being attacked for their choices and it’s not fair.

It’s judgemental and intolerant bullshit and it needs to stop.

It’s at the point now where I don’t want to be associated with veganism at all, thinking of even changing the name of the blog. Maybe something like ‘plant-based Mystic’ or ‘cruelty-free Witch’. Maybe ‘And harm none’ as a nod to the rede.

I went so far as to want to eat a Big Mac as a giant ‘Fuck you!’ to the vegan community. I didn’t, because of the animals, my own health and the simple fact I made a commitment, but when you are ready to go against everything you stand for, your core values, everything that makes you you, you know it’s serious.

The thing is, I’ve spent my entire life not being ‘enough’. Not smart enough, or pretty enough, or thin enough, quiet enough, interesting enough, not experienced enough… the list goes on.

I’ve made a resolution in my 30s to steer clear of anyone telling me I’m not enough, because I am, by the Goddess! My basic existence tells me I am enough. The fact that I think and breathe and try to be kind, tells me I’m enough. And I’ll be damned if I am going to let anyone tell me I’m not enough any more.

If that means not associating with or as a vegan, then so be it. I’ll find another label for myself and go that way.

Or just stop using them.

The other thing that annoyed me was someone’s argument that other people’s choices to adjust the term in practice makes their lives harder. Well, guess what? That’s your problem! Not mine. I am honouring myself, just like you are honouring yourself. Don’t you think that you being an intolerant arsehole makes my life harder? No one seems to think of it that way do they?

On a more practical note, the other argument was ‘When I have to explain to people that I don’t eat honey when other vegans do is inconvenient’. Well, I don’t know what restaurants you are going to, but unless they are 100% dedicated vegan restaurants, everyone has to explain themselves! I think this person was just pissed that other people aren’t ‘doing it right’. And coming from someone who used to be concerned with ‘doing it right’, it is exhausting and a waste of time. My advice? Stop, before the stress kills you…

I just wish people would be less concerned with right and wrong and just embrace those people who are trying. Accept those people who are educated enough to want to make the change and dedicated enough to risk living ‘without cheese’ or ‘bacon though’ for the good of the animals, themselves and the planet. Why can’t we just spend more one educating those people who are still unaware, and less time bickering among ourselves and judging our own for our eccentricities.

I have made an educated choice to consume honey, based on medical and scientific studies. I have also chosen to do my own research and find ethical, sustainable and cruelty-free sources of the product. If this effort and thought doesn’t make me vegan, if it’s not enough to fit into the club, then so be it. I’m done with trying to live up to the expectations of others and too old to care what you think of me.

Rant over. 💖😇🕉

Blessed Be! xx

Spirituality

Honour your Shadow

Soul Doctor podcast strikes again!

I was listening to episode 1 of season 2 today and yet again, the messages where synchronistic for what I have already been thinking.

For years I have been reading positive affirmations online and hearing people say how they work for them.

Over the last few years I have had a different feeling about them.

I had come to agree with some other authors of various works that focussing on positivity too much redirects your attention away from the negative, in effect preventing us from truly dealing with it. We have triggers, programs and patterns for a reason, and they come up to be healed. Also, it prevents us truly knowing ourselves and loving ourselves unconditionally.

If we always redirect from the unpleasant emotions, we aren’t really releasing them. They are merely suppressed until they come out another way, through illness and dis-ease.

We have to honour our anger, sadness, grief, shame and all the other unpleasant emotions. We have to feel them to release them and truly move forward. We have to go through it, we can’t ignore it or cut it away and simply move on.

There is a lot to learn in our pain, especially about our own actions that lead to it. If we never face our crap, we can never heal it properly and will be destined to repeat the same patterns over and over again.

We cannot ignore our shadow, for it is our greatest teacher.

Current Issues

Do women need to be ‘whores’ to enjoy sex?

I started reading a book called ‘Finding God Through Sex’, by David Deida, ‘one of the world’s most insightful and provocative teachers of our time’, so the blurb at the back says. I have had issues in the area of sexual fulfilment myself, being influenced by the Christian society I live in (but am not necessarily a part of) and having what I would describe as guilt associated with sexual pleasure, whether with myself or a partner in whom I trust and love.

I had hoped that this book would help me to discover the divine in this area of my life and help me to embrace my sexuality more. I had hoped to gain more insight as to how I could honour my own divinity through sex. I had also thought it might help me to overcome some of my own negative emotions regarding sexual enjoyment.

I won’t say it has done nothing for me: I now understand that it is possible to become aware of the divine through sexual expression and enjoyment. In fact, it seems it is one of the best ways to commune with the divine and infinite love. I will be more aware of certain things I do in my future love making and see how it brings me closer to the divine and my own, and my partner’s, inherent divinity.

What I wasn’t prepared for were the several references to ‘whore’ he made throughout the book.

You can be a whore, making him beg for more. (Page 120*)

The offending passage...

This is just one example of the many references in the book.

My immediate thought was – why do you have to be a whore to know what you’re doing in bed? I haven’t had that many sexual partners in my life, but I would not consider myself bad in bed and I haven’t had any complaints. In fact, having an honest, exploratory, trusting, open and communicative relationship with one partner did more for my experience than the few randoms ever did.

Why can’t a mother, maiden or Goddess leave her partner feeling this way? And why is this term used in reference to a sexually experienced woman? Why can’t she just be a woman?

Also, why do you have to be a whore to make him beg for more? Why couldn’t you do this with the only person you ever slept with, if you know them deeply and understand what turns them on? I would much rather be ‘inexperienced’ and have my partner chomping at the bit, than have slept with a thousand guys to the same end. The point here is, the number of partners you’ve had doesn’t even matter…

Now I think about it, why has he not mentioned this term in relation to the men? Why is it that only women are referred to as whores? Most of the men I know have had many more partners than I have, why don’t they get called whores? Why is their ‘experience’ not making them more accountable for our pleasure?

Another ‘offending comment’ was the following:

You can be a demoness, tearing him apart.*

Again, another derogatory term in reference to a sexually promiscuous woman. Why do I have to be possessed by a demon to enjoy sex with my partner? Can’t I be a Goddess (Aphrodite?), or a mother, or a nerd, or (Gods forbid!) myself!! Why can’t it be the power of God/Goddess that moves me to such extreme excitement that I want to tear my lover limb from limb? Why can’t it be the power of the divine and my own love that gets me to such an extreme and pleasurable emotion? Why can’t it be my love of life and all it has to offer? Or simply the fact that our emotion centre is close to our aggression centre in the brain and the two often overlap… (first year Psych, coming in handy!!)

The answer is simple – the patriarchy.

Please, don’t get this confused with ‘men’, for men have been just as hurt and emasculated by the expectations of the patriarchy, as I have mentioned before . The patriarchy is essentially a certain group of men (usually white men) telling everyone else what to do, wear, be etc out of a misguided need for power. This has lead to many issues throughout the last 5000 years, including the oppression and subjugation of women, children and most racial groups. And, it has lead to the pervading rape culture and recent development of ‘incels’ who believe they are entitled to sex (Google it, it’s a thing…).

It is also the reason why women are labelled ‘whores’ if they are sexually active, experienced and enjoy sex. Why we have to be ‘demons’ in order to feel the strong sexual energy that most men feel on a daily basis is beyond me. I guess it goes back to the ‘Adam and Eve’ thing and the resultant repression of female sexuality. Why do women have to live up to certain archetypes in the first place?

Do we need to reclaim the term ‘whore’ like some racial groups have reclaimed their derogatory terms? I don’t think so, because I dislike this appropriation in all its forms. The intent of the use might be different, but it’s hard to erase 2000+ years of energy, no matter how well meaning you are. The negativity is built into the words, permeates them. This is not the answer.

For me, the answer is to stop using them all together. Not out of fun with our friends. Not in reference to women we don’t know. Not to women who dress a certain way. Not for anyone. Ever.

We also need to reclaim our sexuality. Make people (yes people, women are included in this as many of us seem to be as confused as the rest of the world) aware that women are sexual beings and that it is ok to explore your sexuality. It is ok to try new things and express this side of ourselves. We can be the goddess in the bedroom and it’s ok!

Also, we need to educate people on the true purpose of sex. Many people are having sex for the wrong reasons – myself included for a very long time. Sex is often seen as a way to be accepted and approved of by, not only the people they are sleeping with, but society as a whole. Men and women are using sex to achieve a state of belonging and love that in reality can only be found from within oneself. Again, I speak from experience.

I see this happening with teenagers at schools I teach in, girls who brag about sleeping with X amount of boys at a party and think this is cool. Teenage girls walking around asking the boys how big their dicks are. They get short term approval from the guys, but it never lasts and people need to be aware of this.

Maybe this last will be addressed in a separate post, as this has turned out to be a much deeper issue than I had first thought. The issues of derogatory terms, warping of sexual attitudes and the rule of the patriarchy are becoming more and more important to me. I have been affected and hurt by the all of these things in my life and I have a desire to educate people so they don’t have to be hurt by them either.

We have so much to unlearn about sex and sexuality, but we can do it. One comment at a time.

 

Spiritual Awakening

When the Healing meets the Broken

This is going to be a very personal post.

I have had another interesting start to the year.

I know it’s May, but I have needed this time to process what has been happening and what my own actions were in creating this situation.

It’s not about blame, simply learning from mistakes and understanding when old programs resurface.

I met a new friend late last year, a fellow vegan, and we just clicked. We were both HSIE teachers too, which was a common interest and passion for us – although I am a History teacher and she is Geography, we complimented each other as the two subjects naturally do.

I was in a great place, relying solely on me for my happiness. This was a place I had worked towards for almost 2 years.

I didn’t need anyone in my life, I simply wanted them around sometimes.

During one afternoon, I happened to mention that it takes me a lot to get close to people, because of being hurt before. Her response to this was ‘I had noticed you were hot and cold’.

Now, I had simply shared this part of myself in an attempt to be honest and open about who I am. I am naturally cautious now, but that doesn’t mean I am not willing to let anyone in. I am just more discerning with who gets to be close to me on a very personal level.

I had not thought I was ‘hot and cold’ either. I was happy in my own life, I was not ‘attached’ to her and our friendship as I had been with previous friendships: I had finally learned that only I could make myself happy, no one else can. I had learned the difference between ‘attachment’ and ‘friendship’.

Still, I took her words to heart and in the blink of an eye I had judged my approach to this friendship as ‘wrong’. I had undone in an instant what I had worked so hard for so long to create.

As the old saying goes, hindsight is a beautiful thing. I can see it clearly now, even though I did not make an actual decision to change my approach at the time. I reacted out of a subconscious need to be accepted and approved of by another. My old acceptance pattern was hibernating when I thought it was dead.

I started to view my whole life as ‘wrong’. I started to question other decisions I had made, including my choice not to be fully active in the vegan world. I even tried to teach like her! (This last one worked well luckily, considering I have a completely different clientele in my classrooms, and is a strategy I will add to my tool belt) I started to see my own approach to teaching as wrong and tried to be more ‘like her’ in a number of ways.

It wasn’t until I refused to accept responsibility for something that she saw as a wrong I had committed that I saw what was actually happening.

She had approached the friendship from a place of attachment. She needed something from me that I wasn’t willing to give until I accepted her judgement of me and became attached myself.

I was whole and at peace with who I am. I was able to spend time alone and be happy. I was acknowledging that I am broken and working towards fixing it.

She was none of those things. In a subconscious attempt to feel better about herself, she tried to bring me down to her level, rather than working up towards mine. And for a while she succeeded.

It was a valuable lesson in honouring myself and who (and where) I am. A lesson in doing things my way and living life on my terms. A lesson in the need to get what I need from myself first. A lesson in the impacts of judgement and accepting that of others when they do not know my full story. It was also a valuable lesson in over-sharing and listening when my intuition says ‘she doesn’t need to know that’. (In actual fact, I think my intuition screamed at that one! But I trusted her…)

For these lessons and the growth I have since experienced, I am grateful and able now to step into the next phase of my life, one that is completely dependent on my ability to live life on my terms, regardless of what other people think.

Spirituality

Book Review: The Naked Witch

I have recently been exploring Witchcraft again in earnest. It is probably the only path that resonates with my soul, that feels right.

Along the way I was reminded of Fiona Horne’s books. I checked the local libraries and found a few stocked her books, including a new autobiography called The Naked Witch. I didn’t really want to learn about her life, more about the practice of witchcraft in an effort to understand the practicalities of it – more on this later.

Still, I found myself compelled to go to the library that afternoon and borrow it. I can’t say I had any thought processes in this. It was just something I had to do. It’s weird when your intuition is so loud you can’t hear your own ego-monkey-mind!

And I am glad I did! Her story resonated with me on such a deep level, I found myself unable to put it down. For the first time in my life I read an entire book in a day! Luckily I had nowhere to be…

Her story so resonated with my own story of abuse on many levels it was uncanny. The resultant patterns and programs were almost identical too! I can’t say how reassuring it was for me to hear someone else went through something similar to me and came out thriving.

There wasn’t much on the actual practice of witchcraft, she has other books for that, but one main truth was made clear to me – at its fundamental level, Witchcraft is about a reverence for and connection to nature. Simple.

I am not going to go too much into the specifics of this book, as I feel it should be read with an open-mind. Also, spoilers! I hate ruining surprises for people…

If you are looking for an easy, yet informative read, then this is a great book. It is the perfect book for highlighting what our egos are capable of making us do, but also that an honest look at ourselves can help us to get out of its grip. It is an excellent book for anyone dealing with childhood trauma, especially for those who (like me) believe that ‘it could have been worse’. And yes, it could have been worse for a lot of people, but that doesn’t mean our own pain and resultant negative patterns are any less important. We don’t have to down-play our own pain because someone ‘had it worse’.

This is the story of an average Australian woman just trying to find herself and her place in the world, after being told she doesn’t deserve one. The story of a woman desperately seeking the approval she never got growing up, and the realisations that lead her out of that destructive pattern. It is a story of growth and triumph that will empower you to do the same. It has done for me.

Spiritual Awakening

Getting back to Me

What a bloody roller coaster of a month! Yes, it has probably been that long since I blogged…

Over the last month I have had a lot going on – I’ve lost friendships, realised I was changing who I was (yet again!) to fit someone else’s ideals, realised that anxiety may be more of a problem for me than I realise and stood up for myself and said ‘no’ to a situation and felt amazing for it.

Maybe each of these could be a blog within itself.

I guess, the point of this blog is to reconnect with my creativity in writing, to reconnect with me. As I have said, I spent a lot of this year moulding who I was to be accepted by other people, people who turned out not the be worth my time.

I was whole, complete and at peace, and I made myself lose this just to fit someone’s unspoken expectations. I stopped doing friendship my way – out of love/want rather than attachment/need – and did it their way, complete with the attachment and conditions I had grown out of. It seems there were more lessons in this for me to learn.

And I now realise I had learned what complete independence means: the full reliance on yourself for everything you need. You stop looking to others to fulfil your needs. You stop asking others to accept and approve of you. You don’t need them in your life, you want them in it, because they add value to your life in some way.

This independence must have been too much for these people to bear, as I was labelled ‘hot and cold’ in my approach to this friendship. I allowed this statement to affect my perception of myself and to think that I was doing friendships ‘wrong’.

I now realise that this person was attached to me, as if I would heal her in some way. And, 6 months before this I would have. I would have given all of myself to help her, to try to heal her, and ended up exhausted. She was unfortunately a few months too late.

I did get embroiled in this attachment, I won’t lie. But, I am happy in the fact that it was only for 2 months, not 12, or longer. I must be assimilating some things!!

Anyway, this is an attempt to get back to me, to get back to wholeness and peace. To reconnect with who I am, with that state of independence. To honour my creativity and to relearn to love myself.

I hope it works. 😁