Spirituality

Letting kids feel their feelings

“Don’t be nervous. Miss isn’t nervous, is she?”

This is the exact sentence I heard from a teacher to students who were about to start filming. I am not sure about the details, but they would be asked to give their thoughts on something in front of a camera.

Don’t be nervous? DON’T BE NERVOUS??

Yes, be nervous! Just don’t let it stop you from doing what you want.

Yes, be nervous! Just do it anyway.

No wonder kids are being diagnosed with ‘anxiety disorders’.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that for some people it is an actual problem that needs to be medicated. Debilitating anxiety and panic attacks are nothing to dismiss.

But for many, it is simply a lack of understanding of their emotions.

Nerves are good, it means that something is important to you. It means that you want to do well. It means that you care.

This false idea that they shouldn’t be nervous makes kids believe that their feelings are wrong, or that they are wrong for having them, and nothing could be further from the truth.

Emotions are an important part of this human experience. Without them we only get one side of the experience.

If we start ignoring our nerves, it isn’t long before we start to suppress all of our emotions, and, speaking from experience, that never ends well.

We should honour and acknowledge how kids are feeling and give them the skills to move past the less than desirable emotions and do what they need to anyway. Feelings aren’t bad, and we need to stop telling kids what they should be feeling and start working with what they are feeling.

The emotions will come out somewhere and somehow. Perhaps naming them and acknowledging them when they hit will prevent them overflowing and coming out as aggression or depression or one of the many other emotions that are destructive in excess.

Allow kids to be nervous and give them the tools to get the job done anyway.

Current Issues

Overcoming Rape-Culture, Victim Blaming and the Patriarchy

Yet again, a woman gets raped and murdered and it’s her fault.

Just a few weeks ago, 22 year old Eurydice Dixon was walking home when she was attacked and raped and murdered. She took all of the precautions, messaging her friends letting them know she was almost home safe.

This is the thing that gets me. She took all of the precautions.

Why should she have to take any precautions? Why was it her fault she got raped and murdered and not the fault of the man who did the raping and murdering?

Why should we have to make sure we are in groups or have rape whistles or be on our phones or even wear security underwear? Or worse, like the women in South Africa who have to wear anti-rape gear and equip their daughters from as young as ten.

And this isn’t the first time women have been told to be careful.

A recent article warned women to go out in groups as sexual assaults had risen on Queensland’s Gold Coast.

A few years ago in Far North Queensland a young girl was raped by her two friends, but they were acquitted because she was drinking with them and must have asked for it. This from a female judge too!! Just shows how far victim blaming has spread.

Again, if we took better precautions this wouldn’t happen.

Pfft. It’s patriarchal bullshit directed at us so they don’t have to feel bad about doing all the raping in the first place. It’s childish bullshit akin to ‘but he hit me first!’

This whole world is run by boys in men’s bodies and it’s total bullshit.

A man hitting a woman is like a sibling hitting them and yelling ‘she started it!’

Incels crying because they can’t get laid is like a toddler having a tantrum because Mummy took away his favourite toy.

Childish bullshit.

No wonder the world is in the state it’s in. It’s like the global version of Lord of the Flies – or maybe this was the point the author was trying to make? We actually have children running the world and screwing it up.

But, to get back on track, if men didn’t do these things, women wouldn’t be getting hurt.

This is kind of a given, although a lot of men still can’t bring themselves to think this way. They don’t want to ‘dob on a mate’, activity I see all the time in High School.

Which brings me to the ‘not all men’ argument.

Yes, it’s true that not all men rape, abuse and murder women.

But not all men would stand up against the abuser and tell him to stop.

Not all men would go against their mates and tell them it’s not ok to have sex with that unconscious girl at a party.

Not all men would ‘dob on a mate’ if they saw or heard them doing it.

Men need to stand up and be vocal too. Tell your mate his behaviour isn’t acceptable. Stand up for your sister or mother or cousin or aunty or friend. You have the power to make the change. We all do, if we all stand up and say it’s not ok.

We all need to stand up and change the culture, but the reality is men care more about what their mates think than the general population. They are subject to peer pressure just like the rest of us, even if we don’t want to admit it.

Please, for the sake of the women in your life, be that mate that says it’s not ok. Be that mate that teaches him what he should do. Be that mate that helps him be a better person and avoid going to jail (the very small percentage that do actually make it there and not through some bullshit legal loophole or some judge’s prejudice, but that’s another story).

Bad things happen when good people stand by and do nothing.

Are you that good person?

Spirituality

Thoughts on Life

This week has been a hectic and emotional week. My Mother and I helped my Grandparents move from a town 3 hours away, to one 45 minutes from me.

This is something my Nan has wanted for almost a decade, if not longer. For one reason or another, my Pop always refused. She has essentially spent the last 10 years miserable, living in a town she loathed.

This week, she got her wish, except she wasn’t able to enjoy it like she should have.

Early this year she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

As these thins go, it escalated quickly to the point now where she is repeating the same two stories without pause. I could go into the ways in which it is manifesting, but most of us have seen it at least once or heard stories.

The part of all of this that gets me, is that she was so completely lost and stressed throughout the entire move she couldn’t relax and get excited. When I asked her if she was excited her reply was “I would be if I knew where we were going”.

On the day, she was restless and irritable, argumentative and emotional. It was like watching a toddler getting ready for daycare.

She put her good rings away somewhere, didn’t tell anyone else, forgot where they were and became fixated on finding them. We managed to reassure her that if we couldn’t see them, they were packed somewhere and she calmed for a few minutes, before ‘remembering’ and the whole process would start again. Eventually she found them and relaxed a little, but then it was something else.

My point is, I wish for her that she had have done this years ago when she was lucid enough to not only understand what was happening, but enjoy the process and get as excited as Mum and I were.

Selfishly, I wish that it had happened when I was able to truly enjoy her company like I used to as a kid. We could watch movies and snuggle in the lounge. Go to Bingo or Housie or Alphie and she’d drive and play the pokies and give me half of her winnings. Drink cup after cup of tea or coffee and she’d tell me stories about her youth and the family. She’d cook me dinner and I’d feel like I was the most important person in the world.

Now, I don’t know what it is going to look like. I am lucky she still remembers who I am, and if you tell her a few times, she remembers what is going on around her.

Anyway, the point of this is, don’t put things off.

Do them today.

It is a cliche, but it is probably one of the few that shouldn’t be.

Don’t put off til tomorrow what you could do today.

Write that book. Climb that mountain. Run that marathon. Tell him you love him. Hug your kids. Go on that holiday. Get married. Watch the sunset over the Indian Ocean.

Whatever it is, just do it.

And enjoy it while you can.

Find the happiness and fun in every moment, that spoonful of sugar. Don’t go to bed angry. Use your energy for happiness and love, not hate. Be kind, to yourself and others. Be happy now.

You don’t know how many tomorrows you have.

And apparently, you don’t have to die for your time to be up.

Veganism

The consequences of seeking approval from others

I never wanted to actually be an activist. It wasn’t something that spoke to me on a deep level.

I tried though. Convinced by another’s arguments and my own need for approval surfacing, I tried.

I went to a Cube of Truth, although in truth it was a bit of a shambles because they decided at the last minute to move it to a location closer to the CBD. I had been riding my bike all morning and wasn’t keen on the extra ride, so I went home, not getting to see it in its full glory.

I was able to stay for the discussion and role play, which was informative and confidence boosting. Still, I was really only there to see how it all works, see it in action, dip my toes in before I took the whole dive. I’m cautious like that. Sometimes…

The whole time I was there, it felt wrong, I felt wrong. I felt like an imposter, like a sheep in wolves clothing. It didn’t feel ‘mine’.

Please don’t mistake me, it’s not that I had to be the one to ‘find’ it. I’m not that shallow. But when you are with your tribe you feel it in your bones. Your heart sings with happiness and you look around and you ‘see’ all of the people there. You belong. It feels ‘mine’.

I can’t say I ‘saw’ anyone, not even the ‘friends’ I was there with. I felt alone, out of place.

Still, I thought I could do some stuff behind the scenes. Help raise some funds for the group so they could get more gear, etc. Give back that way.

So, I offered to organise a fundraiser in the form of a psychic and well-being fair. The last fundraiser I had been a part of raised $3000+ for the cause, I thought the Cube could have used a similar amount to buy resources for their events and maybe even have a stall and a talk on the day to raise awareness… apparently not…

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I realised what was going on.

I have said earlier that I had allowed other people to dictate to me how to ‘do friendships’ and it left me hurt and disappointed. Without going into too much detail, it was this friend who had convinced me that I should be an activist.

It seems I looked at my choice not to be an activist as wrong, and made changes accordingly.

I allowed myself to be drawn into a world that I knew I didn’t belong for the wrong reasons: an attempt to be fully accepted by this friend. I let my need for approval control my choices (as I said before also, I had moved past this) and I changed who I was to fit someone else’s ideal.

I am not an activist.

I am a teacher. I am a healer. I am a psychic and (budding) medium. My passion is to help people clear their blocks, become more conscious of the patterns that are holding them back and help them move forward. This is who I am. This the life I am working towards.

It’s OK that I don’t want to be a public activist. It’s not who I am. I might still do stuff behind the scenes, and even find a way to hold an event fundraiser for another cause who will welcome the donation.

But, public activism doesn’t make my heart sing. I am probably more passionate about reversing all of the damage the patriarchy has caused so women can be totally free and safe in the world. So men can own their own natures and not feel inadequate when they don’t meet the standards of masculinity put forward by the patriarchy. So all people in the world can just be themselves. Totally and completely.

My other passion is showing people how bad animal products are for your health. Giving them the facts about nutrition and educating them on how the body works so they can see for themselves the harm certain foods do to their body. This might be a hobby or sideline gig though.

Anyone telling me that it isn’t OK to be who I am, for whatever reason, is putting conditions on their love and I don’t need that. I love myself too much now to be bound by others’ rigid guidelines of acceptance and approval. I will not jump through hoops so people will like me. I’ll just find another circus!

I totally honour and even agree with her reasoning as to why we should all be activists. However, honouring myself is more important.

I never want to feel like an impostor again.

Blessed Be! xx