I just went out to move my car so my dad could get his bike out of the garage (I’d say Midlife crisis, but he has always ridden motorbikes of some sort) and the song playing in my car was Bon Jovi’s This ain’t a love song.
I sat there waiting patiently for my dad to reverse the bike, turn it, fix his helmet and then exit the driveway, listening to the words and it struck me that here is another example of the poor, hard-done by man whose heart has been broken by a woman. So sad and lonely, so undeserving of the treatment, so dedicated he was to the relationship.
Yea right, Jon. You had no idea what you had until it decided it deserved better and left you. You rested on your laurels, having done ‘the hard work’, snagged her with promises, she’d moved in, and then it was business as usual for you. Meanwhile, she is now doing all the unpaid labour of the home, labour that you used to do ‘so well’ (aren’t I a good boy?), and probably used to ‘snag’ her, waiting for you to get your lazy arse of the lounge and take notice of her, perhaps even to *gasp* help clean the mess you helped create!
Yes, you should have listened when she said good night. Yes, you should have noticed ‘the end of summer’ in her eyes. She’s done with all of the bullshit promises you made, but it’s tough luck now buddy! You fucked up and now she’s off to greener pastures. Somewhere where her presence won’t be taken for granted, somewhere where she isn’t part of some ‘legend in my mind’ and part of an actual adult partnership.
But the part that really annoys me now, is that he was apparently willing to die for her. That’s sweet. You won’t pick your wet towel off the floor, but you’re willing to die for her? You sit on the lounge watching football while she is cleaning the toilet floor where you missed again, but you’d die for her?
Newsflash! Women don’t want someone to die for them. We can, and do, die quite nicely on our own thank you!
We want a man who will LIVE for us. We want a man who will LIVE WITH us. We want a man who will experience LIFE with us. What’s your death to me, but a reprieve from raising your arse? From picking up your shit off the floor? From putting your coffee cup in the dishwasher for the thousandth time even after we have had this discussion 500 times and each time you promise to do better?!
Please, death would be preferable to living with you in this case.
Women want someone who will emotionally support them. Someone who will hold us when we cry and not try to fix it. Someone who will be present with us through the mundane and the exciting. Someone who will ask ‘how was your day?’ and actually listen to the answer. We want someone who will provide assistance without having to be asked. We want a man who will be present enough to notice when we need space or a hug or a bubble bath and go draw us one. We want a man who will say ‘bless you’ when we sneeze!
You know why? Because we would do all of these things for you! And we do.
We do notice when you’ve had a bad day and need space. We do notice when you need help with something and we are there to give it. We do ask about your day and actually interact with the following conversation! We say Bless You because we heard you sneeze and we don’t want your soul to be broken and flying all over the place, god dammit! We have enough to clean up!
Now, I know this song was designed to get all the adult women of the 90s swooning and wishing they were this woman, because they would never leave him! He is so hot and rich and charismatic! What a bitch to have left him so heartbroken? I would love a man who was willing to die for me!
Not that I ever thought Jon was the hottest thing to walk this earth, I was raised on WWE and NRL, but I also fell for this line for the longest time. I used to think it was sweet that he loved this woman so much that he is so heartbroken at her loss.
But, guess what? No good relationship ends in a break up. (Probably the most insightful thing I have ever heard a man of my age say. Yes, a man said this ladies, I’ll wait while you pick up the device you have no doubt dropped……… oh, you’re back! Phone not broken? Excellent! We can continue.) Women (or men for that matter) don’t leave happy situations. Women don’t leave situations where they feel heard or loved or valued. They leave because you are a dick who took them for granted and treated them badly! Maybe you were even a bit of a sociopath, who knows?
People don’t leave happy situations.
It’s time, Jon, that men like you started to ask themselves what you could have done better in the relationship and learn from it. Stop blaming the women for your broken heart and own your actions. Take responsibility for behaviour and grow as a human being.
And basically, don’t be a dick.