Spiritual Awakening

When the Healing meets the Broken

This is going to be a very personal post.

I have had another interesting start to the year.

I know it’s May, but I have needed this time to process what has been happening and what my own actions were in creating this situation.

It’s not about blame, simply learning from mistakes and understanding when old programs resurface.

I met a new friend late last year, a fellow vegan, and we just clicked. We were both HSIE teachers too, which was a common interest and passion for us – although I am a History teacher and she is Geography, we complimented each other as the two subjects naturally do.

I was in a great place, relying solely on me for my happiness. This was a place I had worked towards for almost 2 years.

I didn’t need anyone in my life, I simply wanted them around sometimes.

During one afternoon, I happened to mention that it takes me a lot to get close to people, because of being hurt before. Her response to this was ‘I had noticed you were hot and cold’.

Now, I had simply shared this part of myself in an attempt to be honest and open about who I am. I am naturally cautious now, but that doesn’t mean I am not willing to let anyone in. I am just more discerning with who gets to be close to me on a very personal level.

I had not thought I was ‘hot and cold’ either. I was happy in my own life, I was not ‘attached’ to her and our friendship as I had been with previous friendships: I had finally learned that only I could make myself happy, no one else can. I had learned the difference between ‘attachment’ and ‘friendship’.

Still, I took her words to heart and in the blink of an eye I had judged my approach to this friendship as ‘wrong’. I had undone in an instant what I had worked so hard for so long to create.

As the old saying goes, hindsight is a beautiful thing. I can see it clearly now, even though I did not make an actual decision to change my approach at the time. I reacted out of a subconscious need to be accepted and approved of by another. My old acceptance pattern was hibernating when I thought it was dead.

I started to view my whole life as ‘wrong’. I started to question other decisions I had made, including my choice not to be fully active in the vegan world. I even tried to teach like her! (This last one worked well luckily, considering I have a completely different clientele in my classrooms, and is a strategy I will add to my tool belt) I started to see my own approach to teaching as wrong and tried to be more ‘like her’ in a number of ways.

It wasn’t until I refused to accept responsibility for something that she saw as a wrong I had committed that I saw what was actually happening.

She had approached the friendship from a place of attachment. She needed something from me that I wasn’t willing to give until I accepted her judgement of me and became attached myself.

I was whole and at peace with who I am. I was able to spend time alone and be happy. I was acknowledging that I am broken and working towards fixing it.

She was none of those things. In a subconscious attempt to feel better about herself, she tried to bring me down to her level, rather than working up towards mine. And for a while she succeeded.

It was a valuable lesson in honouring myself and who (and where) I am. A lesson in doing things my way and living life on my terms. A lesson in the need to get what I need from myself first. A lesson in the impacts of judgement and accepting that of others when they do not know my full story. It was also a valuable lesson in over-sharing and listening when my intuition says ‘she doesn’t need to know that’. (In actual fact, I think my intuition screamed at that one! But I trusted her…)

For these lessons and the growth I have since experienced, I am grateful and able now to step into the next phase of my life, one that is completely dependent on my ability to live life on my terms, regardless of what other people think.

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Spiritual Awakening

Getting back to Me

What a bloody roller coaster of a month! Yes, it has probably been that long since I blogged…

Over the last month I have had a lot going on – I’ve lost friendships, realised I was changing who I was (yet again!) to fit someone else’s ideals, realised that anxiety may be more of a problem for me than I realise and stood up for myself and said ‘no’ to a situation and felt amazing for it.

Maybe each of these could be a blog within itself.

I guess, the point of this blog is to reconnect with my creativity in writing, to reconnect with me. As I have said, I spent a lot of this year moulding who I was to be accepted by other people, people who turned out not the be worth my time.

I was whole, complete and at peace, and I made myself lose this just to fit someone’s unspoken expectations. I stopped doing friendship my way – out of love/want rather than attachment/need – and did it their way, complete with the attachment and conditions I had grown out of. It seems there were more lessons in this for me to learn.

And I now realise I had learned what complete independence means: the full reliance on yourself for everything you need. You stop looking to others to fulfil your needs. You stop asking others to accept and approve of you. You don’t need them in your life, you want them in it, because they add value to your life in some way.

This independence must have been too much for these people to bear, as I was labelled ‘hot and cold’ in my approach to this friendship. I allowed this statement to affect my perception of myself and to think that I was doing friendships ‘wrong’.

I now realise that this person was attached to me, as if I would heal her in some way. And, 6 months before this I would have. I would have given all of myself to help her, to try to heal her, and ended up exhausted. She was unfortunately a few months too late.

I did get embroiled in this attachment, I won’t lie. But, I am happy in the fact that it was only for 2 months, not 12, or longer. I must be assimilating some things!!

Anyway, this is an attempt to get back to me, to get back to wholeness and peace. To reconnect with who I am, with that state of independence. To honour my creativity and to relearn to love myself.

I hope it works. 😁

Spiritual Awakening

How I Learned to Love Myself

For many of us, love is easy to give. We love our parents, our friends, our children, our cat, our neighbour etc, etc.

We give our love away freely, and often to people who don’t deserve it. We give it to people who use and abuse it, betraying our trust. A lot of the time we continue to give it to these people even after they have broken our hearts.

We often find it hard to love the one person who matters most in our world. Ourselves.

We ignore our own desires, our needs, our wants. We betray ourselves by doing the things we say we won’t do anymore, be it food or lending something to an unappreciative sibling. We don’t do the things we know we should, like say no or exercise.

We don’t honour and love ourselves, because society teaches us it is wrong to love ourselves. If we get a shred of self-esteem we are told not to be ‘up yourself’ or ‘full of yourself’.

We don’t know ourselves, because society tells us that being alone is wrong, that there is something wrong with people who would rather be on their own. That you have to be popular and spend heaps of time with people to be happy.

I personally struggled with self love. Every time I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw, wishing I was different. Wishing I had this face, or this body, or this hair. I didn’t even like who I was as a person.

Then my awakening journey lead me along the path of self-discovery and I realised a lot of things about myself. I didn’t love myself, because I didn’t know myself. I had spent the last 2 decades trying to fit in with everyone else and to be like everyone else that I no longer knew me.

I also discovered the truth in the saying ‘to love another, you must first love yourself.’ I realised I had never truly, deeply loved my boyfriends, my friends, even my own family. This may in part be because I’m an empath, and we feel emotions way more intensely (an idea I can verify through personal experience), often leading us to shut our emotions down, but I don’t think it’s the whole reason. I didn’t know how to love, because I didn’t love myself.

So, as I followed this path of self-discovery I found a few ways that helped me to build a relationship with myself and learn to love myself:

  • Learned my love language and practised it on myself: mine is quality time and affection. So, I started spending ‘quality time’ with myself. This included writing, reading, watching TV, exercise. I mustered the courage to take myself out on a movie date and a lunch date, which eventually lead me to taking myself on a holiday! This quality time allowed me to get to know myself as I would another person and I gradually began to love the person I was. So, find your love language and start practising it on yourself.
Me, on my solo holiday to Byron Bay.
  • Practised Self-love: this is about learning to love the physical you, as well as the emotional. Many of us will say ‘I love my personality’ or ‘I love my intelligence’, but few of us can say ‘I love my body’. I have found this is because we don’t know our bodies. We haven’t explored them the way a lover would. We have to learn to make love to ourselves. This the main idea I took from an amazing book, Unleashing the Sex Goddess in Every Woman, by Olivia St. Clair. Along with advice about how to unlock your special potential in the bedroom, she says that one of the best ways to understand what you like, is to find out for yourself with yourself. I discovered that the more I made love to myself, the more love I felt for myself. So, the next time the urge takes you, don’t see it as a means to an end. Rather, explore yourself, your body, be present with you and make love to you.
  • Exercise: this is how I learned what my body was capable of and to appreciate what it could do. I never thought it would take me the 20k round trip from my house to the beach, let alone on a 3 day hike up the Andes!! But it did both of these things, and more. Now, I practice yoga and ride my bicycle often, not only because it makes me happy, but when I get up that hill, I can appreciate myself and love my body more. I also practice yoga with intention: my personal mantra is ‘strong body, strong mind, strong heart’. I am definitely learning how strong my body is, and how strong my heart is. So, find what you love doing and do it! Have the intention of it building the relationship with your body and your self and it will.

Doing yoga on the Andes. Well, maybe just a few poses for the camera! I had just hiked for a day and a half and there wasn’t much left.
  • Energetic hygiene: as I said before, I am an empath and part of the reason I didn’t know myself was because I had so many other people’s emotions and ideas floating around inside of myself. So, if I was going to sponge other people’s emotions, they better be good ones, right? I made a decision to surround myself with people who uplifted me rather than pulled me down. This was often hard, because I truly did enjoy the company of these people. The day finally came when I had to call it. As usual, I had hung on for way too long, but I had to learn the lesson to be ruthless with my own well-being in this way. I now love myself enough to be ruthless with what I put inside of my body, both physically and energetically.
  • Practise integrity, especially with yourself: you have to be honest with yourself first, and then with others. This second one is hard, because I never want to hurt people’s feelings, but I’ve decided that my feelings are more important and, as long as I’ve delivered what I need to with tact, how they react is their issue. I need to be who I want to be in all areas. When you practice integrity, you start to be the person you want to be and this fosters personal love. I am not sure how it works, but it did for me. Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk. Remove that mask and practice what you preach.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others: this one sounds pretty obvious, but I found this one quite difficult to do. We are constantly bombarded with advertising that shows us who we could be if we had something we don’t already have. The truth is, we already have what we need, the rest is aesthetics. I had to stop comparing my life and myself to others, because it was making me depressed. Why didn’t I have the husband and the kids and the fancy house and car and holiday home? Why was I single in my 30s, still renting, with a car that is almost as old as my youngest sibling? The truth is, this is my life. I have made decisions based on what matters most to me. Other people have done the exact same, it just so happens that our core values are different, nothing more. I accept responsibility for where I am now, and not in a bad way because I am very blessed with a lot of freedom and independence. I learned to appreciate what my life is, and learned to love myself in the process.
Love this little flier! ❤ 

This is by no means an exhaustive list of ways you can love yourself more. It is merely what I did, and still do on a daily basis. As usual, take on what feels right for you and leave the rest. If one of these strategies helps you to find self-love, then I am happy.

Just remember, it is an ongoing process. We will be faced with challenges along the way (as I have very recently), but we need to remember to come back to ourselves and spend time alone to reconnect with us for it to have any lasting effect. We need to remember to keep practising those things that made us fall in love with ourselves in the first place. Like any relationship, it doesn’t just develop on its own, you have to put something into it. That being said, the relationship you have with yourself will be the one that never ends. 💖😇🕉

Spiritual Awakening

Putting Knowledge into Practice

Sometimes I feel like I take 3 steps forward, only to take 5 steps back again.

I’ve been feeling great of late, healing and dealing my trauma and moving forward to the person I always dreamed I could be.

Last week I had an amazing moment where I owned my empathy. A colleague came over to sort out lessons for my class, all frustrated and snippy, and before long I was feeling it. I asked him to give me a second and I silently collected myself and sent his emotion back to him, sent him love and moved on. I felt totally accomplished!

It seemed my hard work was paying off.

Then today, I’m back to getting annoyed at stupid drivers, taking other people’s moods personally and letting students get to me. By last period, I was in an empty classroom soaking up the silence, because it was that or break down in tears. I thought the silent classroom the better alternative.

By the time my last period had started, I felt semi normal and by the time I got home I was happy again, content with my surroundings and myself.

So, I probably shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I had an emotional moment, I found a way to disconnect, even if it meant leaving the situation entirely, release the emotion and ground. I didn’t take it out on the kids in my last class, my colleagues, or myself for any extended period.

Looking at it in hindsight, I realise I handled it pretty well. When I started writing this, I was annoyed with myself for letting it happen in the first place. Now, I’m seeing it differently and am proud that I used the tools I have to centre myself and release the negativity.

Now, I realise that I got this, and I must say, I’m a little pleased with myself. The old me would have carried it for days, overeating, distracting myself with meaningless TV or video games, scrolling endlessly through social media, basically found any other way to self-harm short of picking up a razor blade. Maybe even revelling in the victimhood a little. The new me realises it isn’t personal, finds solutions to getting myself back on track and moving forward.

So, maybe I’m not doomed after all…

Spiritual Awakening

When Lessons Assimilate

Every day lately, something happens to show me just how far I’ve come. Things that used to trigger me don’t, and I realise just how much I’ve grown.

A situation happened just now, which has triggered this post (which you guys won’t read for a few days based on my own timing for posts and the back log I currently have!).

Driving to work, minding my own business and I decide to over take a slower driver. She wasn’t going much than 5ks slower than me, but I like to stick to the speed limit.

I overtake her in a calm and timely manner, wait a long distance in front of her then, change back into the left lane because I’m considerate like that (and there was some other impatient person right up my clacker, so I let them pass. I have no energy reserved for that fight!)

Next thing, she is now right up my clacker (there was a bit of a theme that morning) and overtaking me. She had sped up, going around 10ks over the speed limit just to overtake me. I can confidently assume that last part based on evidence, because after she had overtaken me she slowed down and we stayed virtually the same distance apart until the end of the Highway.

All I could do was laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

In the past, this would have eaten at me and eaten at me, until I was frustrated, anxious and mad. I had to show her how wrong she was, I had to prove to her that she was an idiot for thinking and acting the way she did. I would have had to overtake her again just to prove a point.

Today, I just laughed. I stayed calm and I let her go.

I know what it’s like to be that person. The one who has to prove how fast she is. The one who has to prove how good a driver she is. The one who has to always be in front.

I know what it’s like to be stuck in the controlling world of our own ego.

I know what it’s like to live life unconsciously.

Now, I have compassion for her and for people like this. Now, I understand that there are unconscious drives and motives that make people do certain things and act a certain way.

In the past, I might also have tried to overtake her to show her how silly she was. I would have been driven to accept the responsibility of teaching her or showing her what her own ego is doing to her.

Now, I understand that it’s not my job to show anyone another way, to force them to see it somehow, to teach them or to guide them out of their unconscious life, at least until they ask for it.

It is not my responsibility to help them grow past their own patterns and behaviours, and reflecting their own attitudes back to them certainly isn’t the best way. I no longer react to ego from my own ego.

So, I feel pretty good about life right now. I feel as if one major lesson has been learned and assimilated. I feel I am now one step closer to being my true self and being the example, whether they accept it or not.

Spiritual Awakening

Understanding me as an Empath

This road of self-discovery has been hard and interesting, heart breaking and illuminating. I have lost and I have gained.

The hardest lesson to learn, the most difficult aspect of myself to assimilate has been me as an Empath.

I understand that I am highly sensitive and take on the emotions of others. I actually feel their anger like a hammer to the chest.

I also feel their happiness and excitement to the point I get jittery and lightheaded. This is probably the more pleasant experiences I’ve had, waiting in line at Wet ‘n Wild and feeling all the excitement and happiness surround me. I totally had to work on my base chakra to keep grounded that day!

The anger and frustration are not as pleasant, obviously. And working among emotionally volatile teenagers who rarely want to do what you are asking them to, makes it even harder!

Another perfect example happened the other day.

It was last period on a Friday and it was fairly warm. Ok, most everyone else was whinging about how hot it was, but I lived in Far North Queensland for five years, so I have a high tolerance for heat. If my knee caps aren’t sweating, it’s not hot! (Yes, you can actually sweat out of your knee caps… it’s not pleasant, but interesting the first time it happens. But, I digress.)

One student randomly got up and headed for the door with a can of body spray in her hand. I asked her where she was going and she informed me that she was going to put some body spray on. I say informed, because this is one student who doesn’t ask, which also infuriated me, but for different reasons.

Now, schools usually have a strict policy against aerosols due to the fact they can trigger asthma attacks in people, and seeing as I come from a long line of asthmatics, I am particularly pedantic about this rule. So, I asked her to worry about it after class and come back inside, but she flat out ignored me.

Well, I felt sudden, red hot anger surge inside of me. And I mean that literally. I had been feeling great all day, having a good day and dealing with similar issues calmly and respectfully.

I took a breath, went out to deal with it the best I could with this anger bubbling up inside and came back inside.

I spent the next hour or so, including the drive home, breathing the anger out and trying to figure out what had triggered me. I thought I had dealt with my issues around not being respected as a reflection of the respect I don’t show myself, so I was loathe to go back here. Besides, it didn’t feel right.

I had felt ok all day, even during that period when other students weren’t doing what I had asked, I stayed calm and took it for what it was.

But this student totally rocked me.

Then it finally hit me. I was sitting quietly when it did too, not trying to work it out, as it often does.

The anger, it wasn’t mine, it was hers. She felt angry at being asked not to do something she had determined to do and I felt it. Did she project it to me? Most likely, as I could be seen as the source of her anger, but I know it wasn’t a conscious thing. She is about as self-aware as a rock.

This was yet another example of me accepting another’s emotions as my own. There was no need to search for the trigger in me, it was her anger I was feeling.

Now, I won’t say that there is no chance of it being my own issues with respect, because they have been there, but as soon as I realised the possibility that I was carrying her emotion I calmed immediately. I was able to disconnect and go about my weekend (which is good for me, because the old me would have carried that for days and ruined my weekend!)

I think this happens a lot for me. I am in a situation and an emotion is hurled and I react, then try and figure out why I felt that way, what is being triggered, what pattern am I working from. The truth is none, because the emotions aren’t mine.

I am now making a commitment to being more self-aware and present at each moment. I am hoping that by doing this, I can be aware when I am feeling the emotions of another person and save myself the hours of analysing! I can just call it theirs and move on, back into the peace I have now found for myself.

I’ll keep you posted. 😁

Spiritual Awakening

Overcoming Victimhood

This personal growth thing is hard. We have to admit so much about ourselves that we don’t like. Oftentimes, when we do admit it, there is little we can do about it at that time. We have to sit by and watch as we continue to follow the programs and patterns, but fully conscious. It’s like that Stephen King story Autopsy Room Four, we’re undergoing an autopsy, completely aware and powerless to stop it.

Recently I had to admit a hard truth to myself. I played the victim.

Whenever something went wrong in my life my first thought would be ‘why are you doing this to me?’ No one was exempt from this, not even Spirit.

‘Why is this happening to me?’ ‘Why can’t I just get what I want?’ And to Spirit: ‘Why, if you’re oh-so-powerful, can’t you just give me what I want?’

It took me weeks of lower back pain for me to admit that I was playing the victim. I kept reading the lower back entry in Inna Segal’s book, but nothing resonated. Not of course until I was ready to admit it.

The next few weeks was the period Victor Oddo talks about where you are aware of what you are doing, but have no idea how to stop it. I can’t remember which clip it was now, as I’ve seen so many and taken notes for so few. I just remember him talking about the part of the awakening process where you are aware of your patterns, but unable to do anything about them. His loosely paraphrased advice was to just let them be. You are aware, which is more than most can say.

So, I let it be, which was probably the best thing I could ever have done. I had no idea how to break the victimhood mentality, and nothing I read came close to telling me what to do about it. So, I did nothing and remained aware of my thoughts and actions that aligned with this victim program.

Then the revelation came. Two events this year that told me that I had released the program and moved into unchartered territory. It still feels odd to me that I reacted to these situations in this way, but I know that’s my ego still trying to get traction.

The first was the first week of January. I had arrived at Krishna Village Yoga Retreat in Northern NSW, set up my tent and gone about my day, doing yoga, kirtan and their workshops. During one of the workshops it began to rain. I didn’t experience anything more than mild concern. Surely the tent was waterproof. Besides, I had set it up as I normally do, so it should be fine.

Well, it wasn’t. I got back to a partly soaked mattress and puddles on the floor.

I quickly realised I had not set up the tent properly, the outer tent was touching the inner layer: anyone who knows anything about tents and rain knew this was a bad mix. So, in the pouring rain, I set about fixing up the pegs and separating the two layers in the (vain) hope to stop it getting worse. By the time I finished this I was drenched and my hands and feet were doing that wrinkly thing that fascinated us so much as kids.

That night upon bedtime, I saw that water was still getting in, my bags were wet and the mattress was now completely soaked in one corner. Watching the water drip from the ceiling of the tent, I knew it was going to get worse before it got better.

I sat there and decided there was nothing I could do about the tent or the mattress at 9 o’clock at night, but there was somewhere I could sleep that was warm and dry. The rest I could deal with in the morning when the rain had stopped and reception had opened. I had to wait until 9.30 am to get answers, but I was able to get a good night’s sleep, dry my mattress and buy materials to prevent any further rain damage the next morning.

Instead of playing the victim and laying limp in the rain, I decided to find solutions. This was not happening to me, it was just happening and I had to find a solution. It, like so many other things in my life, wasn’t personal. It wasn’t about me at all. It just was.

The second thing happened about 3 weeks later. I got a phone call from my boss saying that the person I was replacing was coming back because his transfer fell through and my contract was no longer available. In one phone call my plans for this year had fallen apart. No more security. No more guaranteed Europe trip. My already booked Cambodia trip was now a bit more complicated. Gone.

This happens in teaching, and happened almost two years ago at another school for different reasons. When it happened last time, I began to stress and worry about what I was going to do to pay the bills. I was also really looking forward to teaching a set load and getting to know the kids on a personal level, building relationships and watching them grow. But now, I would be back to casual teaching, where you get to know many students, but not on a personal basis. You go in, ‘babysit’ them, you leave. Sure, you are still teaching, but you don’t get that emotional connection.

That time, I instantly fell into the spiral of the victim – why was this happening to me? Why can’t I get what I want? I will say it happened again later that year when it was week 10 of term 4 and I had no work for 2017. (It was the Wednesday of this week that I got the phone call for the job I got last year – talk about 11th hour!)

This time was different. Much like the Great Tent Fiasco of 2018 (yes, it is an event worthy of an endearing title!) I remained calm, at peace. I heard the news in shocked silence and accepted it. Even better, I began to laugh. I would think of it all afternoon and break out into deep belly laughs. It wasn’t hysterical laughter, I just found it funny. Spirit had thrown yet another curve ball in my direction. There was literally nothing I could do to fix this problem, I had to wait it out.

Like the rain, it wasn’t personal – things in the other person’s life hadn’t gone to their plan and now it was affecting me. I could let it upset my happy, or I could accept it and try to find a solution. I contacted another school I knew was looking for someone, but they had filled it only 2 days prior! This just added to the hilarity of the situation.

I think there are two things that helped me to overcome my victimhood mentality. The first is finally understanding that nothing in life is personal. People don’t go around doing things to us, they do them despite us. They are going to act a certain way, whether we are there or not. This is their program at play and it often has nothing to do with us. Things don’t happen to us either, the weather isn’t out to get us, as far as I know it isn’t even conscious! It just rains when it needs to rain, despite our plans.

The second is acceptance. It has taken me a long time to learn this lesson of acceptance. Accepting things as they are and for what they are. Eventually we might be able to change them, but first we have to accept that they exist.

I first had to accept that I was playing out a victim program before I could release it and move forward. First I had to accept that I had not been given what I wanted, regardless of how powerful Spirit is, there was a reason I had been steered in another direction. I just don’t know what it is yet.

And I don’t know what this year will hold yet either. I do know that I will get heaps of casual work. I do know that I will have more time to pursue other passions. Spirit has a plan.

I just don’t know what it is yet.

Spiritual Awakening

March Energy Update: a Southern Hemisphere Perspective

It’s sometimes hard for me in the Southern Hemisphere, when I watch YouTube clips about what is going on in the world, to apply it to us Down Under. Most of the clips I see are from people in the US and they often talk about the seasons and how this affects the energy. This puts me off a bit, because we are always back the front.

It gets me wondering about the validity of the information for us down here. If they are talking about going into Spring and the excitement about the impending Summer, how does that translate to us if we are going into Autumn?

This happened in the clip I watched yesterday morning. It was Victor Oddo’s March energy update and he immediately went on about the seasonal shifts for them. I wanted to turn it off then and there, but I decided to accept what my ego was telling me and listen instead to my higher self and watch on.

Turns out he had a lot of good information and this is how it applies to me:

  1. Creating your reality: I am actually doing this more. I am choosing to see things from a different perspective, accept that I don’t know the truths people are acting from and deciding to do what makes me happy. This is creating my reality. No longer am I bound by my ego’s impressions and perceptions of the world and it feels great!
  2. Learning lessons faster: this one I have already talked about, but it doesn’t seem to be stopping any time soon. Situations are now coming up thick and fast and I am getting the lessons quicker and quicker, it’s kind of overwhelming. I do need to spend a lot of time alone to ensure they assimilate and that I don’t get too overwhelmed. I have to allow myself a ‘time out’. That part is about self-care.
  3. Learning to be more compassionate and forgiving: definitely this one. And in the public school system, it is a must! Teenagers do a lot of things on impulse and lack of understanding and it is important to forgive them and be compassionate towards them, especially if they come from a certain demographic. A lot of people forget this and judge them too harshly, myself included in the past. But more generally, I am finding I am more aware that I have no idea what is going on in the lives of other people. As an empath, I do have to be careful of how close I get, but that doesn’t stop me from showing or having compassion for that person and holding space. This is definitely something that is happening right now.
  4. Opportunity to be a masterful manifester: this one I have also blogged about before and I am sure continues to happen, there’s just not a lot that I need right now! I am totally trusting that the universe will provide what I need. Though it is a powerful reminder to let things go. I still haven’t got my flights booked for Cambodia next month. I was starting to freak out a bit and see if I could borrow some money to buy them soon as I don’t want to pay thousands for them when I can book them. This I will now leave to Spirit to guide me to – some cheap flights with a direct flight one way and a long layover in Singapore the other way, at a time where I can get out and enjoy the town!
  5. Looking after you health: this one I think links to our health and the realisation of our own inner soul and the importance of looking after the vessel it’s in. This has also been on my mind. I have been experiencing some IBS symptoms for quite some time now and I have finally got the ball rolling to see what’s actually going on in there. I need this body to be healthy so I am at optimal capacity to do my work, what I came here to do. Now more than ever, I realise the importance of looking after this meat suit so that I can have a long and happy life, and also have more time on this earth to do the work I am here to do.

So, it seems it still fits perfectly. It will be interesting to see what happens closer to winter, as we truly start to wind down and the Northerners start to ramp up for Summer.

What I do know from this is that my ego is getting quieter and my higher/true self is becoming stronger. I could have stayed in my ego, turned the clip off and not learned what I have, but my higher self spoke louder and it paid off!

If you want to hear his words for yourself and see how they relate to you, please follow the link above. I haven’t had a look at other forecasts as yet, but feel free to add any links to people you resonate with on YouTube below! I am always happy to share the knowledge!

Namaste 🕉

Spiritual Awakening

The Holier-Than-Thou Effect: overcoming self-righteousness.

We’ve all been there. At least once. It usually comes from something we’ve learned about ourselves, the world or spirituality.

We understand immediately that not everyone else knows this, or comes close to seeing it, and some of us start to feel superior. As if we are part of a secret club that is separate from and better than everyone else. We start preaching to people about how this truth will change their lives.

For others, including myself, this feeling of separation leads to intense loneliness. In an attempt to overcome this, we start trying to help people by preaching our truth to them, hoping they too see what we see and come and join us.

This is what I call the Holier-than-thou Effect. The self-righteous behaviour and attitudes that are the result of feelings of separateness or superiority through our own personal growth and healing.

The main behaviour sees us preaching our ‘holier-than-thou’ truth to all and sundry. We see that other people are struggling and, out of a desire to help, start providing unsolicited advice about what they should do to help themselves.

This is the key, it is unsolicited. We take it upon ourselves to point out what we see about other people’s behaviours and attitudes and how they are blocking them from reaching their full potential.

And we value our advice. It came from years of experience. What better advice is there than from someone who has ‘been there, done that’?

But our advice falls on deaf ears. We become frustrated at our thwarted attempts to help these people. We question over and over why they can’t see what is plainly and clearly in front of them, sometimes within them. We don’t understand why they just don’t accept what we are telling them and commit to our suggestions for moving forward.

The truth is that what worked for us, and hopefully continues to do so, worked because we are who we are. It worked because we were ready to hear the message. It worked because we were ready to do the work.

What worked for us may not work for other people, because they come with their own unique set of programs, patterns and experiences. Reiki changed my life. That doesn’t guarantee that it will for my neighbour. Essential oils have helped me with so many physical and emotional issues. That doesn’t guarantee it will for my sister. Being vegan changed my life and allowed me to fully accept and love myself for who I am. That doesn’t mean it will for my best friend.

These things worked because they are igniting a part of who I am. They are tapping into my own individual soul’s vibration and unlocking the blocks to my own happiness. It is my own recipe for peace.

Someone else’s recipe might be kinesiology, nutrition, counselling, theta healing, crystals, angelic reiki, past life regression work, dance, Kundalini work, medication, art therapy, yoni massage, yoga, Zumba, chakra clearing… The list goes on.

What worked for us may not work for someone else.

Being self-righteous and preaching our truth to people who don’t want to or aren’t ready to listen only drives a bigger and bigger wedge between them and us. In some cases this wedge becomes that large we can no longer reach each other.

We must learn to wait until they come to us. We must be patient and compassionate with people who we know are clearly in need of healing. They must come to the path of their healing journey on their own. We must also accept that they may never be ready.

All we need to do is hold space for them when they are ready.

Spiritual Awakening

Veganism and Spiritual Awakening

I have recently celebrated my first vegan anniversary, my Veganniversary. It has and continues to be an interesting journey.

There were a few things I expected to change. I expected to shed kilos. I expected my palette to change over time. I expected to have more energy, although this last has been sporadic for reasons that will become clear shortly. I expected to experience better overall health.

Other things happened that I wasn’t expecting. The negative reactions to my choice. The amount of ‘assumptions’ I had about diet. That people continue to accept these assumptions, despite my best efforts to the contrary. The judgement both inside and outside of the vegan community.

Most of all I wasn’t expecting the spiritual side of me to gain momentum. I have been on a spiritual journey for at least 5 years, intentionally cultivating my skills and growing as a person. Not in all that time have I had such profound and fast changes inside of myself and with my skills.

These are some areas in my spiritual life that have changed in the last 12 months:

  1. Becoming more sensitive to energies and emotions: I have always been highly sensitive, an empath. I had just learned, through years of bullying and being told I’m too sensitive, to shut it down. Now, since removing animal products from my diet, it’s all flooding back to the surface. I am way more sensitive than I ever knew, which certainly brings its own challenges. Despite this, I feel that now I am filling my body with high energy foods, my channels have opened up further and I am becoming way more aware and sensitive to energies.
  2. Quicker Manifestation: Along with this comes the other amazing characteristics of a spiritually awakened life – manifestation. I am manifesting things so much quicker these days! Obviously the smaller the desire, the easier it is to come to you, but I am manifesting sometimes within hours! I am vibrating at a higher rate, which is allowing all the positive things I always wanted to come to me. They are now attracted to me, rather than being repelled.
  3. Accelerated Personal Growth: This is perhaps the negative or lesser known side of manifestation – manifesting situations that trigger your crap to be healed! When events or situations occur now though, I am getting the lessons quicker. This is allowing me to move forward at a much faster pace, which means the lessons also come quicker. My brain is not foggy anymore, so I can see my own patterns and behaviours much clearer. I have released so much this last 12 months, and as I continue to delve deeper into the onion of my inner self, I become stronger and stronger, able to deal with the really deep, traumatic stuff. This has lead to me being sick for most of the last 12 months and experiencing bouts of low motivation and fatigue. As I release the emotions, trauma or patterns there is a physiological reaction as the energy leaves, usually cold or flu like symptoms, headaches and general lethargy. Then I get a nice break for a few weeks where I am walking tall!
  4. Increased Intuition: My intuition has really kicked in, stronger than ever before. It is not being dampened by negative or lower energy foods, so it is able to get my attention more. I am still working on the habit of rationalising my nudges and learning to trust it, but I am able to hear it clearer in the first place and that’s a huge step for me.
  5. Deeper Meditations: I have been meditating for a few years now and have had some amazing experiences. None of them prepared me for what most often happens now. I don’t go anywhere or see anything much anymore, I used to go on some amazing adventures with dinosaurs and fairies and the like. Now, I mostly just sit in the energy and listen to the music. What is deeper is the change after I meditate. I immediately notice the change in my own energy, even after a short 15 minute meditation. Now that I am not clogging my body with low energy or processed foods, my meditations have a more profound effect on my energy, clearing away negativity and promoting higher increases in my vibration than ever before. I feel so much more calm and at peace after a meditation and I am totally grateful and happily surprised by this change.

I hope I have explained this last one effectively. All of these changes have lead me to a deeper connection to myself and Spirit, whether it be my guides, angels, deity or whatever the reality of Source actually is. I feel way more connected in general and I can only attribute it to the change in diet. Doreen Virtue talked years ago, in a book I can no longer remember the title to, about the negative effect of meat on your vibration, I just didn’t think it could be this amazing.

Please, if you have experienced similar or different changes, I would love to hear about them. 😁

Good luck and happy vibration raising!!