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Today is my Birthday…

Today is my birthday.

I find myself wondering who will message me and who will remember and whether they will ring or send a message or actually come and visit etc etc.

I have even hidden my birthday on social media as a ‘test’ to see who I matter enough to for them to remember. I now realise that this post will be sent to my social media, thus defeating the purpose, but hindsight is amazing, isn’t it?

What it boils down to is me attributing my worth as a human being to how many messages I get for my birthday. As if I am ‘less than’ if I don’t get as many messages as I feel I am worthy of.

And how many is that? 50? 100??

And why does it matter more to hear from people on my birthday when I don’t hear from them at any other time of the year? This doesn’t necessarily mean I matter, it means they can remember someone’s birthday. In fact, I have had trouble remembering the exact day of my best friend’s birthday since we met 12 years ago. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t matter, it means I can’t remember if it’s the 30th or 31st. It’s more a matter of remembering if it’s the last or second last day of that month, because some have 30 days and others 31. It’s not about her at all. I love and appreciate her every day and I hope she knows it. Or maybe I have this backward and she matters enough for me to even question this?

Why do we, as a society, put so much emphasis on external validation? That’s what this is about, external validation. The more messages I get, the more validated I am as a human being, the more I am influencing other people’s lives, the more I feel I am worthy to take up the space I do in this planet.

It’s time for me to turn my validation inward.

I matter to me. I matter because I exist and I exist because I matter. I am important to me.

The rest is icing on the birthday cake.

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Learning to let go and accept… again…

I have this nasty habit of trying to teach people to be better, of trying to highlight other people’s problems to them in an effort to get them to see these and fix them. It’s as if I have taken on the responsibility of their growth for myself and put all of my energy into getting them to be better people.

It’s a natural part of me for a few reasons: I am a natural born teacher, not just by trade; I am a ruling 4, which are the natural helpers and doers of the world; and, I know just how beneficial personal growth can be because I’ve done a lot of it already.

It seems a part of my growth is still to let go and accept people for who they are in any given moment. It also stands to reason, as one of my karmic lessons is the 4, but learning when to give my help and when to step back is still a major block for me.

I have recently had the opportunity to work on this area again. I wont go into too much personal detail here, but suffice to say, I saw someone struggling and doing things in a way that wasn’t for their highest or best good and tried to get them to see this and change.

All it ended up doing was causing strain within the relationship and exhaustion within myself.

So, I’ve let it go. I have accepted that sometimes people just don’t want to let go of their baggage and all I need to do is be there and support them when and if they ask for it. I have learned that sometimes people just need unconditional love and acceptance of who and where they are in this moment. I have also learned to ‘choose my battles’, especially to discern whether the battle is even mine in the first place.

Sometimes the only thing a person can do is plant a seed. It is up to the other people whether is grows or not.

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I’m Back!!

Ok, so I’m back! It has been soooo long since I published, so I hope you will still be getting these!

My life has been a bit hectic of late. Some massive changes (yep, that’s a 5 year for you!) have sent my life into a tail spin and it made question everything.

Reflection is definitely a good thing,but this one made me realise I was doing most of the things that would make my heart sing, I just had to add gardening to the list and I feel complete.

Well, almost…

It all started here…

What I realised is that I was on the right track with writing and doing readings and refining my mediumship, I just needed some time away to reassess. I feel as if it is making me value these things all the more for the time away.

My restyled Boho digs, complete with emerging indoor jungle!

There has also been a bit of an image makeover, but it is more of an ‘owning who I am and expressing that through my clothing choices’ rather than a makeover. Probably more of an ‘image reveal’. Either way, I am feeling more connected to me than ever before, more stronger in who I am and where I am heading. And I feel it has all been because of my time away from it all.

It doesn’t matter how far we deviate, or for how long, just as long as we get (back) to where we need to be.

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When did text break ups become a thing?

When did text break ups become a thing? Did we lose all our courage, compassion and resilience when they invented mobile texting?

It’s a disgrace that a person can end a 12 year relationship over text and never actually have a conversation. This actually happened to a friend’s daughter very recently. They have 3 boys together, a home and over a decade of family life and it all comes down to a 75c text… Not even that if you’re on an unlimited plan like I am.

Is this what the world is coming to, people hiding behind a screen? People typing what they would never say to a person’s face on social media and what they really should say over text? When did the rules of common decency and compassion disappear?

I wont even say he should ‘man up’ – He should ‘adult up’. we should all ‘adult up’ and take responsibility for our actions in a compassionate way.

We should bring back Grandma’s sayings from childhood: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Not a single person I know would welcome a break up text. So, DON’T DO IT!

seanbean_breakup

This just seem like basic human decency to me.

I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule, as there always are. But, if you’ve slept together, more than a text should be required. Or if you have a drawer at their house. Or if you’ve met the parents. Or if you have children. Or if you have exchanged vows or made plans to do so.

It seems obvious to me if you’ve shared more than saliva, it’s at least semi-serious and the option for a text break up is long past. Especially if you’ve mingled DNA to create an entirely new human.

Am I alone here? Am I one of the few that would never send a break up text?

Please, if you’re out there let me know and restore some of my faith in humanity.

Have you been on the receiving end of a break up text? Please, share your story so people can read it and hopefully understand what it is like to receive one. Hopefully we can illuminate this practice and it’ll burn away like a vampire in the sun and bring back compassion.

It’s time to ‘adult up’, be accountable for our decisions and face life with compassion and integrity. Let’s get our big girl and big boy pants on and do the right thing. For the sake of humanity and the future of decency.