Spiritual Awakening

When Lessons Assimilate

Every day lately, something happens to show me just how far I’ve come. Things that used to trigger me don’t, and I realise just how much I’ve grown.

A situation happened just now, which has triggered this post (which you guys won’t read for a few days based on my own timing for posts and the back log I currently have!).

Driving to work, minding my own business and I decide to over take a slower driver. She wasn’t going much than 5ks slower than me, but I like to stick to the speed limit.

I overtake her in a calm and timely manner, wait a long distance in front of her then, change back into the left lane because I’m considerate like that (and there was some other impatient person right up my clacker, so I let them pass. I have no energy reserved for that fight!)

Next thing, she is now right up my clacker (there was a bit of a theme that morning) and overtaking me. She had sped up, going around 10ks over the speed limit just to overtake me. I can confidently assume that last part based on evidence, because after she had overtaken me she slowed down and we stayed virtually the same distance apart until the end of the Highway.

All I could do was laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

In the past, this would have eaten at me and eaten at me, until I was frustrated, anxious and mad. I had to show her how wrong she was, I had to prove to her that she was an idiot for thinking and acting the way she did. I would have had to overtake her again just to prove a point.

Today, I just laughed. I stayed calm and I let her go.

I know what it’s like to be that person. The one who has to prove how fast she is. The one who has to prove how good a driver she is. The one who has to always be in front.

I know what it’s like to be stuck in the controlling world of our own ego.

I know what it’s like to live life unconsciously.

Now, I have compassion for her and for people like this. Now, I understand that there are unconscious drives and motives that make people do certain things and act a certain way.

In the past, I might also have tried to overtake her to show her how silly she was. I would have been driven to accept the responsibility of teaching her or showing her what her own ego is doing to her.

Now, I understand that it’s not my job to show anyone another way, to force them to see it somehow, to teach them or to guide them out of their unconscious life, at least until they ask for it.

It is not my responsibility to help them grow past their own patterns and behaviours, and reflecting their own attitudes back to them certainly isn’t the best way. I no longer react to ego from my own ego.

So, I feel pretty good about life right now. I feel as if one major lesson has been learned and assimilated. I feel I am now one step closer to being my true self and being the example, whether they accept it or not.

Spirituality

The Truth About Control

I used to think that being a control-freak was about deflecting the failure to control my inner world onto the outer world. That I could not control or accept my deepest feelings, so I ignored them and focused on gaining control in the external world.

I have since realised the exact opposite is true.

It was this inner control that was reflected in my being a control freak in the physical.

I had so much desire to have complete control over emotional expression, and that was what was reflected in my outer world. I had to control every aspect of my life, my emotions, feelings, external events. All of it.

Since allowing myself to release some of this control I have come to fully understand the second part of the saying “As above, so below. As within, so without”.

As I have allowed myself to surrender to all aspects of life, I have allowed myself to feel deep emotions and feelings, to accept myself as an emotional person, as well as the emotions themselves. This has lead to amazingly deep and fulfilling healing. Hard, but worth it.

I have also noticed that the more I delve into my inner world, the more relaxed I am in the outer.

Or perhaps, it is the opposite. The more I release control of my external world and realise that I have no control over the physical, the more my internal is able to bubble up to be dealt with. The more I realise I have no control other than the choices I make in the moment, I discover that I have the strength to face my issues and heal them through unconditional love and acceptance of what is.

Either way, I am now accepting my emotions and dealing with them, which in turn is allowing me to go with the flow more.

I am finding truth in the idea of strength in vulnerability.

Being vulnerable to your emotions is to allow life to flow and yourself to be in the present. This also encourages you to make decisions in the moment based on what is real, and not from your repressed pain or fear.

Attempting to control any aspect of your life is to stop the flow. It puts limitations on your potential. It keeps you stuck in past patterns and programs, doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Being a control-freak is a sign of an intense internal battle, not a weak mind or heart.

As above, so below. As within, so without.