Spirituality

Letting kids feel their feelings

“Don’t be nervous. Miss isn’t nervous, is she?”

This is the exact sentence I heard from a teacher to students who were about to start filming. I am not sure about the details, but they would be asked to give their thoughts on something in front of a camera.

Don’t be nervous? DON’T BE NERVOUS??

Yes, be nervous! Just don’t let it stop you from doing what you want.

Yes, be nervous! Just do it anyway.

No wonder kids are being diagnosed with ‘anxiety disorders’.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that for some people it is an actual problem that needs to be medicated. Debilitating anxiety and panic attacks are nothing to dismiss.

But for many, it is simply a lack of understanding of their emotions.

Nerves are good, it means that something is important to you. It means that you want to do well. It means that you care.

This false idea that they shouldn’t be nervous makes kids believe that their feelings are wrong, or that they are wrong for having them, and nothing could be further from the truth.

Emotions are an important part of this human experience. Without them we only get one side of the experience.

If we start ignoring our nerves, it isn’t long before we start to suppress all of our emotions, and, speaking from experience, that never ends well.

We should honour and acknowledge how kids are feeling and give them the skills to move past the less than desirable emotions and do what they need to anyway. Feelings aren’t bad, and we need to stop telling kids what they should be feeling and start working with what they are feeling.

The emotions will come out somewhere and somehow. Perhaps naming them and acknowledging them when they hit will prevent them overflowing and coming out as aggression or depression or one of the many other emotions that are destructive in excess.

Allow kids to be nervous and give them the tools to get the job done anyway.

Spirituality

Thoughts on Life

This week has been a hectic and emotional week. My Mother and I helped my Grandparents move from a town 3 hours away, to one 45 minutes from me.

This is something my Nan has wanted for almost a decade, if not longer. For one reason or another, my Pop always refused. She has essentially spent the last 10 years miserable, living in a town she loathed.

This week, she got her wish, except she wasn’t able to enjoy it like she should have.

Early this year she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

As these thins go, it escalated quickly to the point now where she is repeating the same two stories without pause. I could go into the ways in which it is manifesting, but most of us have seen it at least once or heard stories.

The part of all of this that gets me, is that she was so completely lost and stressed throughout the entire move she couldn’t relax and get excited. When I asked her if she was excited her reply was “I would be if I knew where we were going”.

On the day, she was restless and irritable, argumentative and emotional. It was like watching a toddler getting ready for daycare.

She put her good rings away somewhere, didn’t tell anyone else, forgot where they were and became fixated on finding them. We managed to reassure her that if we couldn’t see them, they were packed somewhere and she calmed for a few minutes, before ‘remembering’ and the whole process would start again. Eventually she found them and relaxed a little, but then it was something else.

My point is, I wish for her that she had have done this years ago when she was lucid enough to not only understand what was happening, but enjoy the process and get as excited as Mum and I were.

Selfishly, I wish that it had happened when I was able to truly enjoy her company like I used to as a kid. We could watch movies and snuggle in the lounge. Go to Bingo or Housie or Alphie and she’d drive and play the pokies and give me half of her winnings. Drink cup after cup of tea or coffee and she’d tell me stories about her youth and the family. She’d cook me dinner and I’d feel like I was the most important person in the world.

Now, I don’t know what it is going to look like. I am lucky she still remembers who I am, and if you tell her a few times, she remembers what is going on around her.

Anyway, the point of this is, don’t put things off.

Do them today.

It is a cliche, but it is probably one of the few that shouldn’t be.

Don’t put off til tomorrow what you could do today.

Write that book. Climb that mountain. Run that marathon. Tell him you love him. Hug your kids. Go on that holiday. Get married. Watch the sunset over the Indian Ocean.

Whatever it is, just do it.

And enjoy it while you can.

Find the happiness and fun in every moment, that spoonful of sugar. Don’t go to bed angry. Use your energy for happiness and love, not hate. Be kind, to yourself and others. Be happy now.

You don’t know how many tomorrows you have.

And apparently, you don’t have to die for your time to be up.

Veganism

The consequences of seeking approval from others

I never wanted to actually be an activist. It wasn’t something that spoke to me on a deep level.

I tried though. Convinced by another’s arguments and my own need for approval surfacing, I tried.

I went to a Cube of Truth, although in truth it was a bit of a shambles because they decided at the last minute to move it to a location closer to the CBD. I had been riding my bike all morning and wasn’t keen on the extra ride, so I went home, not getting to see it in its full glory.

I was able to stay for the discussion and role play, which was informative and confidence boosting. Still, I was really only there to see how it all works, see it in action, dip my toes in before I took the whole dive. I’m cautious like that. Sometimes…

The whole time I was there, it felt wrong, I felt wrong. I felt like an imposter, like a sheep in wolves clothing. It didn’t feel ‘mine’.

Please don’t mistake me, it’s not that I had to be the one to ‘find’ it. I’m not that shallow. But when you are with your tribe you feel it in your bones. Your heart sings with happiness and you look around and you ‘see’ all of the people there. You belong. It feels ‘mine’.

I can’t say I ‘saw’ anyone, not even the ‘friends’ I was there with. I felt alone, out of place.

Still, I thought I could do some stuff behind the scenes. Help raise some funds for the group so they could get more gear, etc. Give back that way.

So, I offered to organise a fundraiser in the form of a psychic and well-being fair. The last fundraiser I had been a part of raised $3000+ for the cause, I thought the Cube could have used a similar amount to buy resources for their events and maybe even have a stall and a talk on the day to raise awareness… apparently not…

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I realised what was going on.

I have said earlier that I had allowed other people to dictate to me how to ‘do friendships’ and it left me hurt and disappointed. Without going into too much detail, it was this friend who had convinced me that I should be an activist.

It seems I looked at my choice not to be an activist as wrong, and made changes accordingly.

I allowed myself to be drawn into a world that I knew I didn’t belong for the wrong reasons: an attempt to be fully accepted by this friend. I let my need for approval control my choices (as I said before also, I had moved past this) and I changed who I was to fit someone else’s ideal.

I am not an activist.

I am a teacher. I am a healer. I am a psychic and (budding) medium. My passion is to help people clear their blocks, become more conscious of the patterns that are holding them back and help them move forward. This is who I am. This the life I am working towards.

It’s OK that I don’t want to be a public activist. It’s not who I am. I might still do stuff behind the scenes, and even find a way to hold an event fundraiser for another cause who will welcome the donation.

But, public activism doesn’t make my heart sing. I am probably more passionate about reversing all of the damage the patriarchy has caused so women can be totally free and safe in the world. So men can own their own natures and not feel inadequate when they don’t meet the standards of masculinity put forward by the patriarchy. So all people in the world can just be themselves. Totally and completely.

My other passion is showing people how bad animal products are for your health. Giving them the facts about nutrition and educating them on how the body works so they can see for themselves the harm certain foods do to their body. This might be a hobby or sideline gig though.

Anyone telling me that it isn’t OK to be who I am, for whatever reason, is putting conditions on their love and I don’t need that. I love myself too much now to be bound by others’ rigid guidelines of acceptance and approval. I will not jump through hoops so people will like me. I’ll just find another circus!

I totally honour and even agree with her reasoning as to why we should all be activists. However, honouring myself is more important.

I never want to feel like an impostor again.

Blessed Be! xx

 

Spirituality

Honour your Shadow

Soul Doctor podcast strikes again!

I was listening to episode 1 of season 2 today and yet again, the messages where synchronistic for what I have already been thinking.

For years I have been reading positive affirmations online and hearing people say how they work for them.

Over the last few years I have had a different feeling about them.

I had come to agree with some other authors of various works that focussing on positivity too much redirects your attention away from the negative, in effect preventing us from truly dealing with it. We have triggers, programs and patterns for a reason, and they come up to be healed. Also, it prevents us truly knowing ourselves and loving ourselves unconditionally.

If we always redirect from the unpleasant emotions, we aren’t really releasing them. They are merely suppressed until they come out another way, through illness and dis-ease.

We have to honour our anger, sadness, grief, shame and all the other unpleasant emotions. We have to feel them to release them and truly move forward. We have to go through it, we can’t ignore it or cut it away and simply move on.

There is a lot to learn in our pain, especially about our own actions that lead to it. If we never face our crap, we can never heal it properly and will be destined to repeat the same patterns over and over again.

We cannot ignore our shadow, for it is our greatest teacher.

Spirituality

Book Review: The Naked Witch

I have recently been exploring Witchcraft again in earnest. It is probably the only path that resonates with my soul, that feels right.

Along the way I was reminded of Fiona Horne’s books. I checked the local libraries and found a few stocked her books, including a new autobiography called The Naked Witch. I didn’t really want to learn about her life, more about the practice of witchcraft in an effort to understand the practicalities of it – more on this later.

Still, I found myself compelled to go to the library that afternoon and borrow it. I can’t say I had any thought processes in this. It was just something I had to do. It’s weird when your intuition is so loud you can’t hear your own ego-monkey-mind!

And I am glad I did! Her story resonated with me on such a deep level, I found myself unable to put it down. For the first time in my life I read an entire book in a day! Luckily I had nowhere to be…

Her story so resonated with my own story of abuse on many levels it was uncanny. The resultant patterns and programs were almost identical too! I can’t say how reassuring it was for me to hear someone else went through something similar to me and came out thriving.

There wasn’t much on the actual practice of witchcraft, she has other books for that, but one main truth was made clear to me – at its fundamental level, Witchcraft is about a reverence for and connection to nature. Simple.

I am not going to go too much into the specifics of this book, as I feel it should be read with an open-mind. Also, spoilers! I hate ruining surprises for people…

If you are looking for an easy, yet informative read, then this is a great book. It is the perfect book for highlighting what our egos are capable of making us do, but also that an honest look at ourselves can help us to get out of its grip. It is an excellent book for anyone dealing with childhood trauma, especially for those who (like me) believe that ‘it could have been worse’. And yes, it could have been worse for a lot of people, but that doesn’t mean our own pain and resultant negative patterns are any less important. We don’t have to down-play our own pain because someone ‘had it worse’.

This is the story of an average Australian woman just trying to find herself and her place in the world, after being told she doesn’t deserve one. The story of a woman desperately seeking the approval she never got growing up, and the realisations that lead her out of that destructive pattern. It is a story of growth and triumph that will empower you to do the same. It has done for me.

Spiritual Awakening

Getting back to Me

What a bloody roller coaster of a month! Yes, it has probably been that long since I blogged…

Over the last month I have had a lot going on – I’ve lost friendships, realised I was changing who I was (yet again!) to fit someone else’s ideals, realised that anxiety may be more of a problem for me than I realise and stood up for myself and said ‘no’ to a situation and felt amazing for it.

Maybe each of these could be a blog within itself.

I guess, the point of this blog is to reconnect with my creativity in writing, to reconnect with me. As I have said, I spent a lot of this year moulding who I was to be accepted by other people, people who turned out not the be worth my time.

I was whole, complete and at peace, and I made myself lose this just to fit someone’s unspoken expectations. I stopped doing friendship my way – out of love/want rather than attachment/need – and did it their way, complete with the attachment and conditions I had grown out of. It seems there were more lessons in this for me to learn.

And I now realise I had learned what complete independence means: the full reliance on yourself for everything you need. You stop looking to others to fulfil your needs. You stop asking others to accept and approve of you. You don’t need them in your life, you want them in it, because they add value to your life in some way.

This independence must have been too much for these people to bear, as I was labelled ‘hot and cold’ in my approach to this friendship. I allowed this statement to affect my perception of myself and to think that I was doing friendships ‘wrong’.

I now realise that this person was attached to me, as if I would heal her in some way. And, 6 months before this I would have. I would have given all of myself to help her, to try to heal her, and ended up exhausted. She was unfortunately a few months too late.

I did get embroiled in this attachment, I won’t lie. But, I am happy in the fact that it was only for 2 months, not 12, or longer. I must be assimilating some things!!

Anyway, this is an attempt to get back to me, to get back to wholeness and peace. To reconnect with who I am, with that state of independence. To honour my creativity and to relearn to love myself.

I hope it works. 😁

Spirituality

How I will stop moaning and start doing

I’ve just been watching a clip by Lee Harris, his April energy update, and in it he says that we need to stop moaning about the wrongs in this world and start finding solutions.

Ok, it wasn’t quite that blunt, but I have the right to paraphrase! This is what I took from it anyway.

So, what am I angry about this month? What am I moaning about this month?

That people don’t want to take responsibility for their pain, but rather blame others.

This one is a hard one because there isn’t much I can actually do. You can lead a horse to water, as the old saying goes. But, I can refuse to accept responsibility and remove myself from the situation. If I stop allowing myself to be someone’s scapegoat, then perhaps this will lead them on an inner journey of self discovery and healing when they no longer have anyone around to blame. Or, they’ll find someone else. Either way, what happens after isn’t my responsibility either.

My other option could be to start a healing business. I am a Reiki Master after all, and I have done a lot of work on myself so I have a lot of strategies that can help. But again, the horse analogy comes into play. On the other hand, if I build it, they will come, right?

That I am not living my purpose

This is a tricky one, because I’m not entirely sure what my purpose is. I know what I am passionate about – helping people move past their patterns and programs and becoming the best version of themselves – I am just not clear on the best way to do this. Is it through tarot and Numerology? Is it through energy healings? Is it through Mediumship? All of these things have helped me, as well as kinesiology, meditation, yoga and journaling, but I’m not qualified to offer advice on most of these.

So, I guess my only plan at the moment should be creating a plan. What can I do to help people? How can I best serve humanity? What are my strengths and how can I use them for my purpose? This one will take some further contemplation.

That people still haven’t realised how bad animal agriculture is for our health, the animals and the planet.

This is where activism comes in. I will write a post about this later, but I’m not sure my role is standing up holding banners outside of circuses or rodeos. I’m just too sensitive to energies for that kind of activity. My strengths are organisation and practical assistance, so perhaps my role is to help people organise protests, get permissions and check legal requirements, create banners for them and to organise people once they are there? Maybe it is simply to volunteer at festivals and fairs like the Alive festival? Maybe it is having conversations with people, planting the seed and leading them to documentaries and information about what is really going on? This way they will come to their own conclusions and make the decision themselves. It’s a kind of quiet activism, non-confrontational, yet just as powerful.

That people still think being a feminist is a bad thing

Luckily for me, a lot of this information has come in conversations with students at school. One student said that how feminists are getting their point across is abrasive and turning ordinary men against them. My response was that until you had experienced what women have experienced, you don’t really have a say in how they should respond. Not sure if he understood what I was trying to say, but I hope he at least came away with a better understanding of what the feminist movement is all about. Even yesterday, students were talking about feminism. It seems it is on the rise, but not in a good way. Perhaps my ‘planting the seed’ idea could work here too? Give them a different opinion and some resources and let them on their merry way. I can’t force people to see things from a different perspective, but I can give them another one and hope they open their minds.

So, it seems there is quite a bit I could be moaning about this month. There is probably a lot more too, I just haven’t sat with it long enough.

I do know this, nothing changes if you continue to do the same thing. In order to change your life you must first change your actions. So, here’s to change! Looks like there’s quite a bit coming for me.

What are you moaning about this month? What are some ways you could solve this problem?

Spiritual Awakening

How I Learned to Love Myself

For many of us, love is easy to give. We love our parents, our friends, our children, our cat, our neighbour etc, etc.

We give our love away freely, and often to people who don’t deserve it. We give it to people who use and abuse it, betraying our trust. A lot of the time we continue to give it to these people even after they have broken our hearts.

We often find it hard to love the one person who matters most in our world. Ourselves.

We ignore our own desires, our needs, our wants. We betray ourselves by doing the things we say we won’t do anymore, be it food or lending something to an unappreciative sibling. We don’t do the things we know we should, like say no or exercise.

We don’t honour and love ourselves, because society teaches us it is wrong to love ourselves. If we get a shred of self-esteem we are told not to be ‘up yourself’ or ‘full of yourself’.

We don’t know ourselves, because society tells us that being alone is wrong, that there is something wrong with people who would rather be on their own. That you have to be popular and spend heaps of time with people to be happy.

I personally struggled with self love. Every time I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw, wishing I was different. Wishing I had this face, or this body, or this hair. I didn’t even like who I was as a person.

Then my awakening journey lead me along the path of self-discovery and I realised a lot of things about myself. I didn’t love myself, because I didn’t know myself. I had spent the last 2 decades trying to fit in with everyone else and to be like everyone else that I no longer knew me.

I also discovered the truth in the saying ‘to love another, you must first love yourself.’ I realised I had never truly, deeply loved my boyfriends, my friends, even my own family. This may in part be because I’m an empath, and we feel emotions way more intensely (an idea I can verify through personal experience), often leading us to shut our emotions down, but I don’t think it’s the whole reason. I didn’t know how to love, because I didn’t love myself.

So, as I followed this path of self-discovery I found a few ways that helped me to build a relationship with myself and learn to love myself:

  • Learned my love language and practised it on myself: mine is quality time and affection. So, I started spending ‘quality time’ with myself. This included writing, reading, watching TV, exercise. I mustered the courage to take myself out on a movie date and a lunch date, which eventually lead me to taking myself on a holiday! This quality time allowed me to get to know myself as I would another person and I gradually began to love the person I was. So, find your love language and start practising it on yourself.
Me, on my solo holiday to Byron Bay.
  • Practised Self-love: this is about learning to love the physical you, as well as the emotional. Many of us will say ‘I love my personality’ or ‘I love my intelligence’, but few of us can say ‘I love my body’. I have found this is because we don’t know our bodies. We haven’t explored them the way a lover would. We have to learn to make love to ourselves. This the main idea I took from an amazing book, Unleashing the Sex Goddess in Every Woman, by Olivia St. Clair. Along with advice about how to unlock your special potential in the bedroom, she says that one of the best ways to understand what you like, is to find out for yourself with yourself. I discovered that the more I made love to myself, the more love I felt for myself. So, the next time the urge takes you, don’t see it as a means to an end. Rather, explore yourself, your body, be present with you and make love to you.
  • Exercise: this is how I learned what my body was capable of and to appreciate what it could do. I never thought it would take me the 20k round trip from my house to the beach, let alone on a 3 day hike up the Andes!! But it did both of these things, and more. Now, I practice yoga and ride my bicycle often, not only because it makes me happy, but when I get up that hill, I can appreciate myself and love my body more. I also practice yoga with intention: my personal mantra is ‘strong body, strong mind, strong heart’. I am definitely learning how strong my body is, and how strong my heart is. So, find what you love doing and do it! Have the intention of it building the relationship with your body and your self and it will.

Doing yoga on the Andes. Well, maybe just a few poses for the camera! I had just hiked for a day and a half and there wasn’t much left.
  • Energetic hygiene: as I said before, I am an empath and part of the reason I didn’t know myself was because I had so many other people’s emotions and ideas floating around inside of myself. So, if I was going to sponge other people’s emotions, they better be good ones, right? I made a decision to surround myself with people who uplifted me rather than pulled me down. This was often hard, because I truly did enjoy the company of these people. The day finally came when I had to call it. As usual, I had hung on for way too long, but I had to learn the lesson to be ruthless with my own well-being in this way. I now love myself enough to be ruthless with what I put inside of my body, both physically and energetically.
  • Practise integrity, especially with yourself: you have to be honest with yourself first, and then with others. This second one is hard, because I never want to hurt people’s feelings, but I’ve decided that my feelings are more important and, as long as I’ve delivered what I need to with tact, how they react is their issue. I need to be who I want to be in all areas. When you practice integrity, you start to be the person you want to be and this fosters personal love. I am not sure how it works, but it did for me. Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk. Remove that mask and practice what you preach.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others: this one sounds pretty obvious, but I found this one quite difficult to do. We are constantly bombarded with advertising that shows us who we could be if we had something we don’t already have. The truth is, we already have what we need, the rest is aesthetics. I had to stop comparing my life and myself to others, because it was making me depressed. Why didn’t I have the husband and the kids and the fancy house and car and holiday home? Why was I single in my 30s, still renting, with a car that is almost as old as my youngest sibling? The truth is, this is my life. I have made decisions based on what matters most to me. Other people have done the exact same, it just so happens that our core values are different, nothing more. I accept responsibility for where I am now, and not in a bad way because I am very blessed with a lot of freedom and independence. I learned to appreciate what my life is, and learned to love myself in the process.
Love this little flier! ❤ 

This is by no means an exhaustive list of ways you can love yourself more. It is merely what I did, and still do on a daily basis. As usual, take on what feels right for you and leave the rest. If one of these strategies helps you to find self-love, then I am happy.

Just remember, it is an ongoing process. We will be faced with challenges along the way (as I have very recently), but we need to remember to come back to ourselves and spend time alone to reconnect with us for it to have any lasting effect. We need to remember to keep practising those things that made us fall in love with ourselves in the first place. Like any relationship, it doesn’t just develop on its own, you have to put something into it. That being said, the relationship you have with yourself will be the one that never ends. 💖😇🕉

Spiritual Awakening

Putting Knowledge into Practice

Sometimes I feel like I take 3 steps forward, only to take 5 steps back again.

I’ve been feeling great of late, healing and dealing my trauma and moving forward to the person I always dreamed I could be.

Last week I had an amazing moment where I owned my empathy. A colleague came over to sort out lessons for my class, all frustrated and snippy, and before long I was feeling it. I asked him to give me a second and I silently collected myself and sent his emotion back to him, sent him love and moved on. I felt totally accomplished!

It seemed my hard work was paying off.

Then today, I’m back to getting annoyed at stupid drivers, taking other people’s moods personally and letting students get to me. By last period, I was in an empty classroom soaking up the silence, because it was that or break down in tears. I thought the silent classroom the better alternative.

By the time my last period had started, I felt semi normal and by the time I got home I was happy again, content with my surroundings and myself.

So, I probably shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I had an emotional moment, I found a way to disconnect, even if it meant leaving the situation entirely, release the emotion and ground. I didn’t take it out on the kids in my last class, my colleagues, or myself for any extended period.

Looking at it in hindsight, I realise I handled it pretty well. When I started writing this, I was annoyed with myself for letting it happen in the first place. Now, I’m seeing it differently and am proud that I used the tools I have to centre myself and release the negativity.

Now, I realise that I got this, and I must say, I’m a little pleased with myself. The old me would have carried it for days, overeating, distracting myself with meaningless TV or video games, scrolling endlessly through social media, basically found any other way to self-harm short of picking up a razor blade. Maybe even revelling in the victimhood a little. The new me realises it isn’t personal, finds solutions to getting myself back on track and moving forward.

So, maybe I’m not doomed after all…

Spiritual Awakening

When Lessons Assimilate

Every day lately, something happens to show me just how far I’ve come. Things that used to trigger me don’t, and I realise just how much I’ve grown.

A situation happened just now, which has triggered this post (which you guys won’t read for a few days based on my own timing for posts and the back log I currently have!).

Driving to work, minding my own business and I decide to over take a slower driver. She wasn’t going much than 5ks slower than me, but I like to stick to the speed limit.

I overtake her in a calm and timely manner, wait a long distance in front of her then, change back into the left lane because I’m considerate like that (and there was some other impatient person right up my clacker, so I let them pass. I have no energy reserved for that fight!)

Next thing, she is now right up my clacker (there was a bit of a theme that morning) and overtaking me. She had sped up, going around 10ks over the speed limit just to overtake me. I can confidently assume that last part based on evidence, because after she had overtaken me she slowed down and we stayed virtually the same distance apart until the end of the Highway.

All I could do was laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

In the past, this would have eaten at me and eaten at me, until I was frustrated, anxious and mad. I had to show her how wrong she was, I had to prove to her that she was an idiot for thinking and acting the way she did. I would have had to overtake her again just to prove a point.

Today, I just laughed. I stayed calm and I let her go.

I know what it’s like to be that person. The one who has to prove how fast she is. The one who has to prove how good a driver she is. The one who has to always be in front.

I know what it’s like to be stuck in the controlling world of our own ego.

I know what it’s like to live life unconsciously.

Now, I have compassion for her and for people like this. Now, I understand that there are unconscious drives and motives that make people do certain things and act a certain way.

In the past, I might also have tried to overtake her to show her how silly she was. I would have been driven to accept the responsibility of teaching her or showing her what her own ego is doing to her.

Now, I understand that it’s not my job to show anyone another way, to force them to see it somehow, to teach them or to guide them out of their unconscious life, at least until they ask for it.

It is not my responsibility to help them grow past their own patterns and behaviours, and reflecting their own attitudes back to them certainly isn’t the best way. I no longer react to ego from my own ego.

So, I feel pretty good about life right now. I feel as if one major lesson has been learned and assimilated. I feel I am now one step closer to being my true self and being the example, whether they accept it or not.